Friday, January 16, 2009

Great American Artist Andrew Wyeth Dies at 91

was just reading the news today. I've always had an interest in American artists, and grew in love for this one's art after an exhibit at the Gilcrease in Tulsa a few years ago. I have a catalog of an exhibition back in the 70s of his work and find his style fascinating --- the detail, simplicity of composition and drab coloring and loneliness of the work. He disagreed with the idea of the loneliness seeming sad, instead saying perhaps we've forgotten how to enjoy being alone.

His artist father's training included having him study something and then draw from memory. Some critics consider Wyeth an illustrator because of the realistic detail rather than an artist. I'll end with a quote;
"Really, I think one's art goes only as far and as deep as your love goes."

Thursday, January 15, 2009

20 degrees tonight, speedos remind us of the heat....

gran torino

I saw Gran Torino last sunday before driving back home. Powerful film. seriously. I was caught off guard, not knowing what to expect and where it was going until the end, and then the ending was so old school, no frills no over dramatic, just real. with a little theme song at the end which reminded me of "every which way but loose" ha.
I call the film powerful because I was driving home hours later and it came to mind, and I was moved in my heart again same as I felt in the theatre, and then just tonight I saw a preview and again started to feel deeply about the character played be Eastwood. basically the premise you get from the previews is that he's up against some gangsters in the neighborhood and makes friends with the Hmong neighbors even though he's actually completely racist, which he can get away with in the film with his age and all.
What my ex gf didn't tell me until after the film is that recently she had been in a situation with a hmong coworker. SHe hadn't shown up for work one day, and called my friend the next day saying she been abused more severely than usual by her husband and would she come and get her, that she was running away. there was a 30 minute window of no one home. she'd been married at 15 and was now 19 and wanted OUT. my friend went immediately and said the adreniline rush was crazy, and when they left the girl was laying down in the back seat, serious stuff. anyway she would NOT go to a doctor or anything, went to work the next 3 days, and then the next was on a plane back to colorado to her family. Her parents took her to the doctor and had all the bruises documented immediately for a record. anyway the movie affected my friend quite a bit after having that experience just 2 months ago.
back to the movie.....great acting, simple tale, and I appreciate the comparison of cultures shown in the movie etcc...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

dog days are over

I plan to really make solid decisions directions and turns in life this year.

anyway, I really like this song, the video not so much, sort of the out there british type artsy idea video. but the song alone is pretty cool.

no pants subway day in nyc - Improv thing

response to the anon comment the other day.

i never said I couldn't be gay and a Christian. as I've said before the deal is just being defined and stuck in a box as gay, the whole stereotype and all that. the more I think about it though, I suppose coming right out and then living my same life would be a sort of way to prove I'm not just another steretype but nah..... I'm in the wrong time, place, and city to have any effect as a Christian first. I'd hate to lose that opportunity above all. seriously. not my fault, not others. just the way it is.
I've been subbing a lot at this one school and today a kid told me another kid from the other day said I was G.A.Y. I guess he spelled it out so not to offend I don't know who, or maybe he thought saying the actual word was like saying a bad word or something, I dunno. I ignored it and said something along the lines of "good to hear you're talking about me".. which I don't know if it came out sarcastic or what. yup that's right the jig is up, sniffed out by some 7th grade girl, because to a 7th grade girl any adult male not married is gay. ha. what's funny is in college or after college I would have stumbled or stuttered or given myself quite away, ha, now I'm just like rolling my eyes and thinking dumb kids. blah blah.
of course in the back of my mind I have to think, so what if I was? you bunch of rednecks. ha ha
well again wrong place wrong time, and at one point in the day I thought, I'm never teaching middle school again, they'll always think I'm gay. and then right after I thought, I'll teach where ever the hell I want. I don't care if they think I'm gay or not, because right now every class I've taught have completely LOVED having me as a sub. I keep typing stuff twice as long as this post but erasing cause it's way personal and all so I delete it.
anyway, that was my day, my life is really boring right now. I can't decide if I should really seek overseas jobs again or not, and I'm kind of being lazy about it. My new idea is going for a DOD school teaching at a military school overseas. All I really need to do is get 3 referees to send in a reference to the place before they'll start to consider me. but my chances are extremely good with my experience and double certification, is why I just want to be careful before fully putting my name out there. I can say one thing for sure, I am really looking forward to this spring and summer, and getting an overseas job lined up for next fall would mean I could probably relax this summer and not have to get a job and just wait to move wherever. I'll keep ya posted.
thanks again for the comments

when the lights go out

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Fujiya & Miyagi - Knickerbocker

btw, I added some new labels on the right, music video and guys on youtube

Sunday, January 11, 2009

just the right touch

he's touching himself, perhaps as a hint to the guy that touching is good, or maybe feeling a bit bare in front of the guy or girl with shirt on...
coach helping him stretch out, I think about coach stuff now and then...

not much touching going on in this pic, just a rested hand on the shoulder, but isn't it a nice shot with that big tree down in front...

AR weekend

excellent time with friends this weekend. I drank some beers Fri night with some college buds, one visiting from sudan, WC, where he lives rebuilding churches, and one who came from houston while visiting from Ecuador. these are guys I lived with during or after college. my married buddies in town also came over, and my married bud NR,that found this blog once and I freaked out even though we are cool now, he's currently not planning on leaving his wife etc etc.
saturday had a great lunch with WC and NR and an ex gf from college and we talked about her divorce and trust levels and how she could never marry someone that thought he could be gay etc etc, and NR talked about commitment and the whole situation he is in, and then WC didn't say much and I was bored cause I already new where everyone stands and have already had those heart to heart conversations before, blah, but it was new for the ex gf and NR to discuss. It's pretty funny just to be at the table with all the friends who know me, completely if ya know what I mean.
so later I hang at the coffee shop with WC and he talks to me about what I want and where I am, and we discuess him marrying a girl in the states or a sudanese woman, and how he wants to set me up with anthoer Christian gay guy he's friends with, this guy I've been getting to know through facebook and emailing who lives in Switzerland and is a german east indian mix. I told him I haven't yet signed into the whole gay deal, blah the usual.
discussed same things with the married people I am staying with, and how I brought up about why can't gay guys be straight curious... ha.
had dinner with my best friend, J and his wife and baby. THIS friend I don't discuss any of these things with, eventually I shall, he needs to hear it, but its a weird thing.
last night hung out some more and my ex gf talked about things she did in college that was almost sex but not quite, and I told her how I am oral,jo with guys and not into the rest of it and still curious to try a woman etccc. but she still has me written off to gay and that's fine. just the openess and acceptance of open discussion is worth it all no matter where I am or what I'm doing. ANd regardless of any issues, we continue to support each other, meet up and regroup and reconsider, and encourage each other, and last night we were all discussing what ministry could be formed by our college group now spread all over the world, with different strengths, abilities and riches...willingness to work together and keeping each other real.

I've recieved a LOT of great comments and emails lately, thanks tons. I"m trying to respond but sometimes I don't know what to say. yes I have intimacy problems with men, that's never been unobvious to me, and I guess I play the mind games that I substitute the physical contact with guys for attention from men, or belonging to the men group, or some sort of intimacy issue etc etc. yeah I can see that. and yes I like recieving attention from guys, and being looked at etc etc. same reasons. there's obviously a signal guys pick up with the whole glancing game. I definitely like the atention I'll admit that.
overall, I have made it understood , as before on this blog, that I aim for my faith in God to be my identity about and before anything else, not who I'm sleeping with, or what I'm wearing, or spend my free time etc etc. and gaining the trust in people who can understand that has been geat. this has been one great weekend, this afternoon I'll be seeing Gran Torino with the ex gf, adn then driving back in time to watch Tess of the Dubervilles on pbs tonight. ha