Monday, July 21, 2008

what is typical gay, or does it matter....

the neverending fascination with putting myself in a gay box or not continues ... you know how I've posted before about my feelings about coming out and suddenly I'm lumped into a set group the rest of my life. when really the cay communiy is just as diverse if not more so than those who are not gay. I think for a lot guys in the closet is it's a lot comfortable there and not being put in a group that is seen somehow less masculine. true or not true?
well anyway, i came across this post by an old time favorite surfer blogger, and he touches on a lot of good points. what do you think, is the gay community limited? by coming out is one stuck to having only gay friends to hang out with, and endless night of bars and drama and finding the next person to sleep with? that probably just a gross stereotype, I know. But I know lots of gay guys who maybe at once embraced the gay community upon coming out, but at some point make friends with str8 people who surprise surprise don't care they are gay. ha
What about guys wanting to come out but just don't feel they care to try and "fit in" with a gay crowd... well I figure the more that come out, they're going to find they're own crowd
anyway, just thoughts....

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think it's just human nature to find a group to belong to (and to group others into groups). In a perfect world everyone eventually figures out what makes them unique and works to set themselves apart.

I know a lot of gay guys (not really well, but I see them around) who completely embrace the stereotypes because they feel like they fit in. I have very few close gay friends, many straight but supportive friends, and I fully embrace the stereotypes that I actually fit. I don't fit all of the stereotypes, and that confounds some people, but it's better to be out than to put energy into hiding.

Adam said...

Deep down is the closet really more comfortable for us in the inside or those we want to please on the outside? Speaking once again from personal experience, I never thought I "fit in" with the gay "brand" of which we all have an image of. So that definitely helped keep the closet door shut. In the end, we all will never personally know the answers to these questions if we don't actually take that chance in living our lives and not allowing ourselves to conform to a stereotype whether it be on the inside or outside of the community.

And Happy Belated Birthday!!!

Anonymous said...

Dan, you seem to bring up this topic often regarding closet, gay labels, and masculinity. Coming out of the closet only means that you are willing to admit first to YOURSELF and then to others that you like men. It does not mean anything else, just that you accept yourself and have the courage to tell others that you will not be vulnerable to their judgement.

JUSTIN said...

I really don't feel like I "fit in" with the larger gay community, but I think in time I'll find my niche. You will too...

Tim said...

being gay really only means one thing, and that is that you can only have serious romantic feelings for men, and not women. What you do after that, how you dress, how you behave, or who you sleep with is all up to you. Staying in the closet only robs you, if your out you have a greater chance of meeting someone that's right for you. They'll never find you if you stay cooped up in the closet pretending to be straight.

Jake Walsor said...

ok dan - dont even think of putting yourself in a box. a box is known as a stereotype - there need not be a box. you can come out and be who you are today and not do anything differently except let the world know who you like. thats all. and u dont have to join the gay scene even if you come out. just be as you are today after you come out as well. thats it.