Friday, January 26, 2007

wearing pants..........

man I was just watching a rerun on Letterman and they had Matt Fox. ever notice how a really athletic guy in great shape can just look outstanding in a suit and tie. this guy looked hot, all tan from living out in hawaii where they film LOST and some stubble on his face. man they showed a pic of him from Columbia when he was a wide receiver and i bet there were some dudes on that team just wishing they could check him all out. ha.

i was in stillwater today at a holocaust convention and there were mainly a bunch of English teachers --but also history teachers , i.e. coaches. man there were two nicely built guys i was checking out during the breaks with these slacks on. I can't help noticing big guys with nice legs and ass in some flimsy slacks fitting nice. anyway I talked it up with one of the guys, just boring talk about teaching middle school kids, nothing like "hey lets get them slacks off, stud"

just a few to start up the weekend.........

Thursday, January 25, 2007

more thinking about my Christianity and my sexual orientaion

Christian upbringing teaches that you wait until marriage, and then have sex with only your wife. (although there was polygomy in the old testemant..) anyway, I think the hard part of accepting a gay lifestyle for most Christians is that it represents sexual freedom in general, not just the fact that you are with a man instead of a woman.
Of course there would still be opposition to a man deciding to be completely monogamous with a man for the rest of his life and getting married (like traditional heterosexual marriages aim to do) obviously. But I dont think that option even really can be seen, because exremely seldomly real. let's face it, a guy comes out of the closet, decides to accept his homosexuality an then to act out on it if not having done so already. And so possibly begins the long string of partners throughout his gay life. Of course heterosexual men have many partners also and yes a lot of them are "Christians" or from those type of churchy families. BUt the goal in sight (ideally) for the heterosexual is to finally commit to one and settle down with just that one never forsaking for another...etc. And Christian society accepts that what with forgiveness and all that.

However, for a man raised in a Christian home, coming out is a big step in deciding to acknowldge the homosexual feelings are real and not going away, perhaps informing all the people they wish to share it with, beginning to search to have sex or continue having sex with other men, and also quite a big step in confronting their Christian faith.
I feel uneasy sometimes that at this point men choose to walk away from that faith soemtimes as abruptly as they have left behind their closet life in general. I guess the bridge is so hard to find, what with most every Christian they know so quick to condemn first (instead of loving first as commanded). I am so confused at how a family could ever choose the faith over the child,I mean that's a family bond gee whiz, no wonder a guy coming out would turn their back on both their family and faith.
I don't know how I'll end up living the rest of my life in or out of the closet, hopelessly non committal to any relationship etc. But I definitely plan at this point to keep hold of my faith even if I did come out, I would probably go Episcopalian or greek orthodox I don't know.

I think its strange also the guys who tell me, how could you ever marry a woman and for the rest of your life live a lie. I don't get that. there are a lot of heterosexual marriages in this country that remain comletely monogamous throughout duration. Sure they all have their up and downs, but it ain't all about sex anyway. I am not exactly sure why getting married and denying myself sex with other people (whether man or woman) is any different from other Christian men who marry and deny themselves touching another woman ( or man for that matter). They are not living a lie. Is it all about the sex anyway, the marriage I mean?
Are gay guys relationships about sex only? How many do you know that are monogamous for a very long time but eventually they being to sleep with other couples, or then it becomes "open" whatever that means. I will say I know some guys that bond so much as a couple they can never break up even though they are no longer having sex with each other. The friendship is so real and they are so comfortable living their lives together etc.. they just never break up, sound familiar?

so anyway these are just some thoughts I had this week while driving to work, listening to NPR radio. I'm from the bible belt and it's all I know, and people and places are so different in this country. this guy on the radio was saying how he was brought up in NYC and most people there consider the religious type people as just whacko and completley wasting their time. can't be completely true because I have some great buds from my Christian college who were all from NYC.

ya know, I was always so impressed growing up when you'd watch those documentaries where a pair of birds would mate for life. I still think that is really cool.

good ole OKC......

I really get into short films. Just like you can read an awesome short story without reading an entire novel or book. a short film can get a simple or perhaps deep message across same as any fearture film. Sometimes they are way too far out or political, but when it comes to festivals or oscar noms you really see some great new stuff. Always something fresh. This time of year, the movie theatre at the Museum of Art downtown OKC will begin screenig oscar nominated films, usually it the films you would never get to see normally at a local chain theatre. My favorite night is the Oscar nominated short films, and the Oscar nominated animated shorts, actually they might be the same night I don't remember. anyway I'm lookng forward to it again this year.

"normal america" ?

star trek vs star wars

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I know its summer somewhere......

I'm sitting here at work, not calling the guy from the gym... I guess sometimes I feel like why bother starting something I can't finish.. but then comes the weekend and I get in the mood of calling him right over. ha. maybe will call here in a minute..

get out and take it off.....

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

immigration reform? yeah right...

2007 and somehow this country not willing to enforce the laws that supposedly the poeple who hire illegal immigrants are not following. If the jobs weren't paying, they wouldn't be coming here....
I'm SERIOUSLY not an all out racist guy or anything, I consider myself "culture-centric". There has been a severe change in the culture of this city when there are streets and streets of Spanish language businesses and signs. many people speaking Spanish and not learning English. and Chain grocery stores making announcements in Spanish and only hiring those who speak English and Spanish. Just freaks me out, but I guess that is our future in USA. Melting pot indeed! There's something uneven in the mix. And of course I love other cultures and experiencing other cultures, but language and culture sort of go hand in hand, and when you see part of the population perfectly happy living with their native language and culture just in a different location, for example a place NOT Mexico. well there's nothing melting, it's just a change. Change is hard, I guess we just have to live with it since neither party seems to enforce laws which would hinder all the illegal immigration (much less drug smuggling) from happening.

There is current legislation in Oklahoma for making English the official language. some opponents say this builds division. No! It's integration, it's called UNITY in ONE language we all understand and use together. Because what we don't understand we fear, and if we can't communicate in one language we'll never be able to understand each other.. etc etc..

Monday, January 22, 2007

that guy at the gym...

the one from utah who is all blond, well anyway, he finally called and left a message today... I'm going to return it tomorrow night from my night job. Sweet hope we can actually meet up eventually. I've had nothing in a while here.

just took a shower and am about to hit the hay. DId anyone see the brief interview w/ the patriots coach after the game? was hilarious, afterwards Boomer was waving his arms going "what was that?" pretty funny although yes sad for the pats and slurpy brady.

my goal this week and hopefully make a habit is much shorter showers, get in, and out. that simple, better for the skin and the gas bill, and in general just saving up my "energy" for the weekend with or without a bud around. after having off all last week lets just say I had way too much time on my hands.

just filled up my pickup coming home from work, $1.74 here in OKC btw.

was rough getting back to work this morning after sleeping in all last week. a rough monday, i get to school, teach first hour and then second hour get a phone call about our department meeting at the administration building that was rescheduled from last Tuesday...whoops guess I should have checked the work email over break instead of waiting for maybe 3rd hour today... needless to say had to plan a place for my kids to go and then "meet" all day at admin.... then get to my night job and tonights the night I'm training the new girl. hope all have a good week. later.

Sunday, January 21, 2007


back to work...

ready to get back to routine tomorrow, roads are mostly clear and drive-able.
I look forward to getting back to my computer lab nigth job so I can have the high speed net and catch up on youtube. ha! watching tv tonight, and this patriots game keeps tying up and getting on my nerves dang it all.

shout out to cwjohns, this guy really has it going brains and looks. was reading a post a few weeks ago about how he started working out in college and kept up with it, and he contemplated about he sort of began to equate it somewhat with feeling more masculine or butch or whatever, and accepted with the guys etc... man i can relate exactly the same. Something about dealing with the whole gay thing, I remember after college just wanting to hit the gym and starting considering my mascuinity measured by an athletic appearance. of course that's now true, but I know there's a bit of it that keeps me going to the gym even now. Also I prolly feel like I'm less likely to be called any names or have my sexuality questioned by working out a lot, which is also not true, but you know its one of those insecurities developed as a young skinny beanpole kid that's hard to completely shake off. although I admit I'm pretty confident these days, decided long ago just to be me and nobody had the right to assume anything about me unless they personally are in the room witnessing me touching another dude! I can be sort of talkative and loud and all that, but heck I'm an English Ed major what'd you expect. Anyway, all this to say I am pretty comfortable these days but being single after college definitely kept me going to the gym and keeping it "butch" or whatever, not to mention getting more noticed by the guys at bars when I was travelling and i was LOOKING.
One of the crazy things which I am also a lot more relaxed about now is after coolege I would be constantly aware(afraid of) of what I was doing,saying, wearing etc and like always wondering does it look straight and not gay. man what a waste. i can say it's good to be over all that, I mean just being my normal masculine self, and I began to see how I'm the same in a lot of ways my brother or dad act, go figure, regardless of orientation.
Although I will admit that the older I get and remain single I get a little nervous of course of being assumed a "confirmed bachelor". is that a bad word or what?
hope everyone had a great weekend.

side note: I got my snow patrol concert ticket in the mail!! Tulsa March 8th!! ah yeah!!!
also did anyone hear the story on NPR about the album called "Bole to Harlem" very cool international music with Ethiopian rhythm, ordered it online last night.

ps. I can't believe no one commented on the naked beard dude, random pic but man nice build on that outdoors dude....

more CL pics........keeps me returning to the gym!