Friday, November 29, 2019

end of Nov............

Well, I'm still giving thanks today after a really nice time at my sister's house yesterday with all 48 of our family there.  It would've been 49 but my niece's husband (the one that works in upper management of a local CBD chain that we sort of never discuss, but we like all his posts on social media to show love and support overall, ;) )...was sick and stayed home, which we were also thankful for since we didn't want to get sick too. ha.  I brought a 3 layer chocolate cake with a chocolate buttercream frosting that I baked Wednesday night and then frosted THurs morning. whew what a project!  I also made cookies the night before that turned out not great but good enough to bring.  The stupid recipe in the book said 20 minutes but they only needed 12... ugh!
I was up early Wednesday morning driving downtown to help a retired friend getting her husband into his wheelchair. it's something I do on M/W before work and so they still needed help even though school was off. since I was on that side of town, I went to see my oldest sister and her husband as they were having breakfast and getting up for coffee etc.  It's funny because I drove over there thinking, okay, I needed to have "the conversation" with them as a sort of prep to the conversation I plan to have with my folks (as a letter)... but I totally never brought it up. The pathetic thing is the subject of my dad and me actually came up as I was talking about wanting to replace my thermostat and my sister suggested having my dad help, and I said no thanks never, and then the topic of why was showing hostility or a chip on my shoulder etc etc.. and of course that would have been a very nice lead in to the conversation but myeah. I just asked for prayers instead and said I was working on it.  As I drove home I thought well, I'm not feeling hostile but being honest and authentic with my parents will perhaps give them an understanding of how something they might say can be hurtful.  Basically it all goes back to the summer before last when I was with my sister and folks going to lunch after painting some rooms inside my cousin's house before she was trying to sell it. And I was speaking about T's birthday and dad asked why I didn't get her a ring for a birthday present?  I don't think he realizes that I'm single and single people get lonely and growing up I also too thought I'd have some sort of ending like that but realized eventually no I'm not.  And I guess I'm surprised he doesn't realize it either. or he does realize it and is expressing passive aggressive feelings etc etc..  those are my thoughts. 
Anyway, that's what spurred me to come out (so to speak) and be direct about the situation.  I plan to communicate it very diplomatically.  When you say this........ I feel this.......     I've also prepared a sort of explanation that non Christian believers of this blog may not understand or care to reason, but I was inspired by the way my friend T (while I was I was on the other side of the room in a completely different conversation) explained it to a girl named Kim from college who was at homecoming this year and while we were all mixing and mingling in the honor's center , Kim asked if i was gay.  T responded "well, as Dan says, it wasn't part of God's plan that he end up getting married etc etc.." (T told me about it later.  While we were all saying goodbye that afternoon, Kim had said "I love you Dan!" while saying goodbye and so it made a bit more sense why she was all of a sudden so feeling.. ha. also she has a lesbian daughter so probably why she feels for me and the whole deal etc) So that's my (planned) approach for mom and dad, basically trying to nicely say that whatever they may have expected or wanted for me has not been part of God's plan after all for my life and that I'm fine with it and they can be too. blah blah blah. UGH I get so bored even writing about it here.  Even makes me want to get it over with so I can just move on. I'm trying to figure out how to nicely include the "ring for a birthday gift" remark without sounding accusatory or like I've held a grudge, but maybe I won't even mention it at all.  I also plan to use the words "living honest and authentically" somehow in there.  so there is that update. :)  If all works out well, I'll send something their way the week before I take my trip, then I can leave the country, then come back and see how things go etc. ?
trip? yes I'm really excited about my trip. I haven't told anyone, and I guess it's just a sort of a modern game to keep it under wraps and then ultimately show a fun post on social media from London etc.  I'm trying like the dickens to save money for the trip! I've also already decided I'll just sell some stock to pay back the trip if I have to.... but I'm holding off all these black friday specials and online ads etc etc... trends etc...  I'm getting all my cameras ready today to keep in check and ready for the trip.  I hope to take lots of photos of Christmas everything in London and then also in Copenhagen.  Anyone have suggestions for meals in either places?  I've already researched and made plans for a few afternoon teas in london while there. I'm staying at the Penn Club near Russel Square, which includes a nice breakfast downstairs.  I love the location, close to metro and close enough to just walk south or south west toward leicester etc...
Other plans? well I plan to shop Christmas Markets for small gifts. take lots of pictures. I hope to shop Christmas markets in Copenhagen also.  I think I already mentioned that I'm shopping some of my favorite brands there, but my goal it to try on as many things to get sizes right and then I can shop from home online a bit more confidently ( and it excludes VAT tax AND free ship over a certain amount of purchases).  A Day's March has a store in London and so does Rodd & Gunn, which I'll be shopping because they have a pretty cool system of getting your VAT taxes back at the airport which I've done before.  (you have to make time for it and you have to have everything with you in the carry on. ha).  Also I've planned 3 different Christmas music performances in London. I get back to London on a WED and then I've left that Thursday completely free to get to what else come up to do or see.  I'm still researching how to make it to Wembly and back from London for a Christmas concert there.  Also considering to make a day trip to Oxford on a Sunday or Thursday, OR like Cambridge or something near London.  I had so much fun a few summer's ago when trained all the way out to Rye and just walked around and enjoyed everything in the town.
well first! back to work! I have two weeks of classes left then I'm flying out of here.  TOday I'm getting things cleaned up and sorted.  I have things in boxes to put in the attic for a final put things away project. the guest room is cleaned up and empty. woot!!  next I'll bring down all the Christmas stuff in boxes and spread them all out in there. ha. and tomorrow get to putting up the tree since I'll busy the next weekend and gone the next.   Let the holidays begin! :)


Anonymous said...

Oh dear! What damage and loss the refusal by others to see and understand what you are in sexual terms has caused. I am sorry. Keep trying. Be yourself. Roderick

Anonymous said...

excited for you on getting away overseas. I bet its spectacular seeing London decked out for the holidays. Those types of trips are the best.
And can relate on having the talk. And know how difficult it must be for you. Wishing you the very best this Holiday Season.

d said...

Holidays in Europe is festive so you will enjoy. Sometimes I think, why did I need to come out and why do people care so much about my sex life and who I love, but coming out to my parents and siblings lifted a heavy weight from my shoulders and thus allowed me to get closer to everyone I loved. Enjoy your trip and shop, shop, shop! Cheers, David