Saturday, December 29, 2018

dear reader in 2018.....

I did a little bathroom project to decorate the bathroom a little bit last weekend when the family came over and I thought I'd post since today I'm taking down all the Christmas decorations and boxing things up, the tree down and boxed, etc..  I made a sort of frame for the window and painted it white, and then I hung these glass insulators that I got from Betty's estate sale and put white flowers and evergreens.  I also am showing a photo of the wall between the window and the corner of the adjacent wall where the mirror and pedestal sink are in my little bathroom. the doorway is directly opposite this. I have a star - souvenir of Honduras, a porcelain coral shaped thing I got as a souvenir at a shop in UK last summer, and the little framed postcard that I got at the Buckingham Palace exhibit of "gifts" from India, and then a glass bud vase, another treasure from Betty's. She was there when I took it home and said I'd better treat it carefully as she'd had it for so long and had kept it from breaking.. I hope I can do the same. anyway the colors all go well enough together with my blue-green Ikea handtowel. ;).

If you can see the banner photo, that is my old PC monitor plugged into my laptop. Very useful having two screens this weekend to binge watch Netflix Interior Design challenge while zigzagging around on the internet on my laptop. ha and if you looked close and saw my feet up and slippers on, yes, I stuck a letter "L" in masking tape on my new slippers so I would know which one was the left foot. problem solved. ha. now I'd like to get back to some readers who have been kind enough to give me some feedback and comments:
LondonBear, I appreciate the hugs and words of encouragement. I'm always mostly doing well whenever I take a break from blogging.  Usually I just don't have anything new to say, no new thoughts, or am trying to commit time and effort into doing a better job at work when there are long breaks between blogging.  I hope to get more of an interesting social offline life going for me this next year, and perhaps that will give me more to say online. time will tell. ha  I hope you've had a wonderful Christmas break in London wherever you are. I know I thoroughly enjoyed treading all over the place in that city last summer!
Roderick, I also appreciate your encouragement and comments. thank you for keeping up with the blog.  I read an article jsut this week about the benefits of journaling, so perhaps I should try to get my thoughts straight a bit more by sharing them in the blog.
Greg, always enjoy your comments as well. one thing this blog originally did for me is to get my thoughts and feelings about dealing with my life out there to see who could relate, and I've found that just thinking through it and putting my honest thoughts out there is a good way to relate to others in a similar situation.
Most of the original bloggers I'd connected with all came out and lived their lives without much of a need for blogging anymore. I'm not quite at that point and I suspect there are other readers who share the same singleness on the fence of leaning asexual.  This is something I do hope to push myself off of in the next year, I'm wanting to more and more pursue an actual relationship as I hear more and more about the benefits of having a life partner to challenge and sharpen our thoughts, actions, decisions , choices in life etc....I'm not sure I'm convinced that I'm not incomplete just being independent me.
j.lee,  I am 6'and a half if I'm honest. I don't know how that has happened as I've been 6'1" all my life. I've maintained my 32" waist, and as I've just walked away from the computer and dug out the scale from the back closet, set it on the kitchen floor and weighed myself, I'm 179lbs.  This is an all time high for me , and it's funny I'd be excited to be gaining weight, but I know it's all good weight from doing a year or more now of crossfit 5 times a week. keep in mind, readers, that like a fat person who loses weight might always feel fat, I grew up skin and bones and always feel like the stick I was growing up, thus any solid weight gained is a plus for me. woot  I tend to be 32" or size M for waist, and L for anything long sleeve. shoe size 9, although today I found a great deal on some converse online for $25 after I "joined" up with Nike.com for the free shipping ( they own Converse now, ugh, I know) and put in the code COLORS, and I got 8.5 because the 9's are always a bit too long for my feet.
Bill,  thank you also for keeping up with the blog. You must have some good research skills to find a rate my professor rating. ;) I do not have a faculty listing simply out of spite between me and the secretary. ha... they asked for us to write a description by a certain deadline and I had already done it the year before. They said it'd been lost blah blah blah and I didn't feel like re writing it anyway. Plus I don't like my image and info coming up in public searches anyway so yeah, i was fine with it. but I definitely am still working away at the college.  I don't know if I've dealt completely with the grief of losing Betty, but I know I've completely rationalized it, she was so old. I'm sure I'll begin to really miss her more this summer when the usual times of going to meetings or visiting her when it was too hot to work outside etc happen again.  I'm considering checking into a hospice near and see if they need like a volunteer to visit? I may or may not pursue that.
Alexander, thank you also for your comments about Betty. thanks for keeping up with the blog. Patrick, thanks also for still reading. :)
SBDO, I failed to reach my Thanksgiving deadline in writing a letter to my folks. But I will do it. You'd asked what I plan to say or my process.
Well, I plan to just mail them the letter. I plan to include something at the end about no apologies needed and only a few questions welcomed. I plan to explain that God's plan for me hasn't included an attraction for women and that I've been doing my best to come to terms with His plans for me otherwise and how that corresponds with biblical teaching as I've been raised. Does that make sense, I find myself finding it difficult to use the "G" word. I don't like boxes! labels! terms! I am obviously still dealing with that, (even as more and more society wants to separate everyone into a label and stereotype and separate group). Anyway, I plan to say something about honesty and my life not being some unspoken mystery, i want them to know I don't have any "other lifestyle" or life. I fell I'm very honest with everything I do with my gay friends and I want to be up front because i don't know what they think about my gay friends or if i'm dating this or that random name I mention. (I'm not. ha).  I also need to help my dad understand that I know he loves me, but that I feel strong angry feelings when he says things like "why don't you give her an engagement ring for a gift" like he did last summer when I discussed my friend T's bday. which I thought was partially my fault if I'm not being honest, although I've also considered it as perhaps a passive aggressive remark since we don't discuss my SITUATION. :)  I also have considered making a point about his remark last summer before my trip when I was discussing carrying around a drawstring bag around with my camera on the trip and him asking if it was like a "man purse," which I couldn't tell if he was begin passive aggressive or trying to make a joke with my brother there ( it was my siblings and folks together for my early b-day cake get together since i'd be gone on my trip during my actual bday). Here it was a celebration of me, and suddenly I get triggered and want to storm out of the place ( silent thoughts in my own mind, I brushed them off).  Also, I want to figure out a nice to say how I've come to terms with my masculinity completely independently, but how a sensitivity remains, (will that help him to understand I'd never want to hear jokes as such and even at my age still need his AFFIRMATION etc etc?....)but on the other hand it might not be anything he cares to understand, or could understand, and maybe its just my own self esteem issue, and also I don't want to point any blame etc.. I don't know - I'm still giving it a lot of thought. Less is always more, so I hope to keep the letter short and sweet ( this blog doesn't count).  these are all the things that I'm running through my mind in preparation. I spoke to a visiting friend about it just last night, and he was encouraging when he said it was okay I hadn't made my goal. He pointed out that I made the decision after my birthday last summer and that gave me a year til next birthday.  I'll aim for Spring break now, promise....
Josh, I mean, come on, you were in OKC, and we didn't meet!?!?  ha ha. j/k.  thank you also for checking in with the blog. I love getting your notes in emails. I hope to respond more. your travelling all around doing so many projects -whoah! my life pretty much just remains the same here, and I hope to travel more, definitely see more show!I do like keeping up with each other. please lets.
DW! all comments always welcome! send photos of your dogs sometime, or the house or something from rainy FL? :)  btw,the dentist I was going on about, well bad news, he has a gf! boo hoo.. ha ha.  I did some deeper research, i.e. clicked on his facebook friends, and he was in the profile photo of a female friend, who turned out to be a nurse who he went on a Christmas vacation to Mexico with last weekend. She has an open profile and there were all their couple photos on the beach, drinking poolside etc etc blah blah. whatever! I'm over it! ha ha..  still thought it was weird that he brought up the gay pride in Austin comment last time I visited. However perhaps he's just calling me out. How did he know!?!?  ha ha  I talked all about this while my Austin friends were visiting last Sunday night.
As I'm setting some goals as usual for the new year and directions to pursue and things to adjust in my daily life, I'll make an effort to put my thoughts out there a bit more than last year. 2018 coming to an end and it was actually a pretty good one for me. I even considered writing a little update letter with my Christmas cards this year as it was a bit more eventful. two things about this year I'll always remember are my amazing summer birthday trip all over the UK and saying goodbye to Betty :( . New year ahead!

towel me off...


good tv....


Max Gail though.....
 

Saturday selfies... bearded.


one stop shopping..........

my black dress shoe choices are limited, I've been wearing the same pair to work forever, a very comfortable pair of black leather Doc Marten shoes I bought at a DM store in London back in 2008.  Another pair of Doc M shoes are black with a square toe that I've had just as long from an online purchase but I hardly wear them since the big square toe is dated, but in a pinch I will wear them to work if I'm feeling apathetic enough about the day.  Otherwise, about a year ago I bought a nice pair of black calf suede shoes, Norse Proects X Doc Martens -they're great but not for wearing every week as they lend themselves to cold and/or wet weather.  All this to say, I impulse bought a pair of black shoes yesterday night while thumbing through Instagram before bed and coming across a 40% off sales price sale! How can one resist.  What makes it easy, is knowing a brand's size fits and knowing that I've been in need of a black work shoe, although it was a bit spur of the moment.
I got a Cole Haan black leather shoe with a brown sole.  I'm not sure about the brown sole with a black shoe, but it looks dressy enough and I have black shoe days when I'm not wearing only black slacks, and so I think these will be a great option in the closet.

Another ad that kept popping up was Park and Ronen, and I followed their link of swimwear on sale up to 80% etc... and found these 6" Catalonia Stretch Swim Shorts, however I wanted the blue and they were out of blue.  Also, although I'm a 32" waist, I'm not sure about the 'slim fit'. ha  But I'd like to think I could pull it off what with all the leg work we do in crossfit and the glutes I've noticed growing bigger and harder, perhaps I could wear them well.
Backcountry.com keeps advertising overpriced outdoor gear on my feeds, but they'd have to have some serious markdowns going to get my interest.  this Laundromat Sweater would easily work into my wardrobe though, the blue, green, or brown... :)

I have to really refrain myself from buying stuff from a quick Insta ad. half the time the stuff is in CHina and you wait 2 months to see anything.  Also I only trust using paypal with those from China places, not my real info or credit info. I always google any new brand name coming up on an ad, and if it's something from China, I lose interest. I'm still waiting on some interesting stickers and pen sets that I orderd early December. someone's getting a late Christmas gift. ha

Friday, December 28, 2018

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Luke, the force......


Santa will find you......

Christmas 2018

what a great week off last week, this one too! I got a lot of work done last week, house picked up, cleaned, vacuumed, dusted, cooked, baked, tree up, and cards sent out.  Most of you have probably been doing a lot of the same.  I was successful in getting to work out each day last week, not this week though. ha.  I made a lasagna Wednesday and put in the fridge, and made a cake Friday.
Last Friday night I was able to meet up with S and B and  son at a local Mexican restaraunt we meet up at often for dinner, their friends from church S and K met us also.  I hadn't seen the son since last summer so it was fun to catch up and hear about his school year, new job, and see how he keeps growing at 16.  Saturday I stayed in all day getting the house ready for my folks and siblings. We have a dinner together each year, just us, before the big family get together for Christmas. I spent most of the morning cleaning out the room behind the kitchen where I have my upright piano and walk through to the laundry, also a back door.  That room gets filled with stuff and I'd been walking through a path of stuff to the laundry for some time with boxes stacked on piano and the bench in there. really neglected it since summer.  I put a lot of stacks of stuff out on the back porch to jsut throw out! ha. I had the cakes decorated and lasagna warmed up and ready by the time the family began to arrive.  we say around and ate and visited, all pleased.
Sunday, church and errands to grocery store, made another lasagna and cakes for a dinner Sunday night at my place with S and B and son.  another yummy meal and great social time. and hour after they left, my friends H and M from Austin stopped in for an hour and a half to visit and try some cake.  They were out by 10 and I was crashing into bed ZZZzzzzz. ha
Monday I spent the day cleaning dishes, running errands for last minute groceries and gift shopping,watching various Christmas movies on youtube, and getting gifts wrapped for family.  I went over to my folks' place by 4:30 and spent time with my lil sister and her family and my parents, then dinner, then gifts.
Christmas day! a long lazy morning for me and big breakfast! I had some yummy leftover lasagna for lunch, wrapped gifts, baked chocolate cookies, and went over to my older sister's by 5pm. all 41 of us were there by 6 for dinner, then gifts etc.. I think I was out the door by 8:20pm? ha back home and crash and Zzzzzzz.
I did NOT make it to crossfit yesterday and successfully stayed inside all day without going anywhere or getting out of the house all day! wore my new slippers and pajama pants (from my sisters) all day!  I took down the tree and boxed and organized all things which I'll continue to do today.  I also binge watched Great Interior Design Challenge on Netflix season one all day, finishing up the quarterfinals episodes this morning. ha  I'm looking forward to getting more things organized and more things thrown out in the house this weekend!  and definitely back to work outs today!!  I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas and enjoy the break.

happy holidays!