Saturday, November 17, 2018

Thursday, November 15, 2018


ups n downs....

the last 24 hours have been something.  after work yesterday I dropped by the assisted living center where Betty was moved weeks ago.  she was in pain last week and over the weekend in and out of hospital. Now she is on pain meds, morhpine. the cancer spread from her lungs into her body, from what her daughter told me and for days now shes been in bed incoherent on morphine for the pain every 2 hours and not eating or drinking much.  It's a pallative care situation I'm afraid. alas. I went inside her bedroom and sat next to her while her daughter updated me on everything that had passed last week and this. I sat there and held on to Betty's hand as she lay with a frown and scrunched up face in pain and moving her legs under the covers now and then bent kneed. I wish the pain meds alleved her pain more.  I would have liked to spent time with her peacefully holding her hand and perhaps saying some prayers or just speaking to her... however I'm prepared for the end and realize the Sunday before last will be the last time I'll have seen her as herself.  I'll await now for the news from the daughter and husband. and I might go by on the way home from work tomorrow just to check in with the daughter who is struggling and caring for her 24 hours waiting.
I had begun to reach out to Betty 6 years ago after her husband died, they were both a part of my gardening club, and I offered to give her rides to the meetings every month ( she drove during the day at 84 but not at night).  I also enjoyed going to evening church services because I had someone to sit with and she also didn't like sitting alone, so that worked out well.  I felt I was doing a good service, as the old testament is all about caring for widows and orphans ;), and I liked being of help and needed.  We became friends as Betty would cry about missing her husband and I'd pat her on the back or encourage her on the drive home from a meeting etc.. I enjoyed visiting and speaking about our gardens or the club or whatever.... as she got older, she'd take me around the house and point out everything, we did that many times, and she'd tell me all the same stuff again, or look at a photo album, again pointing out who was who etc... anyway, I've decided that while I thought I was helping someone be less lonely, it turns out I might have been helping myself be less lonely at the same time. and now I see how much I'll be missing having someone to sit with on Sunday nights or a home to stop in at anytime, like the old days when you would just drop in on people if they were home, she always was. and I'll miss the phone calls on my answering machine asking if I'd be going to church or not or why she won't be there if she had to miss etc.. or if there was a missionary meeting after the evening service to please plan on coming as she was bringing a dish that would cover for both of us.
she would be 91 in January, so obviously a good age long lived.  the sale of her house is closing this Friday, emptied out, her daughter was bagging up her clothes in the closet while I was there visiting yesterday, everything except what she'd wear in the funeral.  whew, that was a lot to take in yesterday afternoon.
I went to crossfit next and got in a good workout and didn't say much to anyone, wasn't in the mood. came home and sat in front of a stack of papers, and couldn't get my mind on grading so just sat there and distracted myself online and cleaning house.
I woke up to a pleasant surprise. a message from a hunky PE teacher back in Portland. the man I stayed with from airbnb during my visit years ago.  he's such a little flirt randomly.  last night he sent a little message saying: hello handsome, how have you been etc...  I thought to myself wasn't it just a few weeks ago, I was lying in bed hugging the sheet or mattress and thinking of sending him a message? ha  I messaged  him back this morning with some pithy comment about not waking up with him in bed next to me, but settling for waking up to a message? I dunno I thought it sounded cute. I told him I ran a 5k last week in 26:40 and am working on my power snatch at the gym.  ( I realize now I may have over done the macho speak in the message, but whatever. ha ) so the morning started out pretty well.
I felt rather fine going to work this morning, wearing some new shoes that came in the mail yesterday with the belt i'd bought in Tulsa to match. a dark maroon shirt and maroon and paisley tie, a beautifully matching wool jacket over all etc.. you know the drill with me by now.   and... on the way to work I got a flat tire on the highway just before my exit. at first the light came on and I thought, oh low air in a tire, but as I exited on the ramp i could hear and feel a rumble rumble and while taking the road to my school, a flat flat. parked as soon as I turned into the lot at work.  And went in immediately as I was just on time, 8 am.  I had planned a fairly light day today with all 3 classes. they are turning in a major paper and then they watched a short film "Tanghi ARgentini" and writing about it over the weekend. not much instruction involved other than I like to think a moving speech from me about what they've learned now how to do and would want to carry through to other classes, writing about something and having thoughts to share about it, building up words and reasons to communicate about their logos etc etc... anyway.. the morning went very well and at 11 am I was done with 2 classes, and back out in the parking lot, in my shirt tie and new shoes alas! ha, jacking up my truck, taking the wheel off, putting on the spare.  I was pretty sure the tire was ruined but I went across the street to a garage and got their opinion, yup, ruined! they kindly aired up my spare though.  back to my office,called my local Goodyear tire garage where I always go and arranged 2 new tires ready, lunch, afternoon class at 1:30, then by 3 I was leaving work on a street north ( instead of hiway) with my spare tire on and going to get two new tires.woot.  I sat and graded papers for 30 minutes while they put on the tires, $246. and then made it home with about 10 minutes to change for gym and head back out the door. :)
I'm glad tomorrow is Friday. I hope to get as much grading done as possible with my office hours tomorrow. also this weekend I hope to get most of the papers done so I can get them back to students Tuesday on not have stuff over the holiday weekend.
I"m not going to reach my goal of writing my parents a letter before thanksgiving, but I'll still work on it and follow through before Christmas for real.  I have some friends in AR praying for me about it. and I've pretty much got down just want I want to say.  I also shopped plane tickets to Tokyo last night. an escape, a getaway! I got a wild idea about taking a trip after school is out this December for 5 days in Tokyo, just sightseeing and I want to shop the Loopwheeler store. it's a brand I have no access to in USA and just love their style.  yes I need a life. I know. I'm not travelling to Tokyo, not this year anyway ;)
happy weekend all!

ol roy....

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Monday, November 12, 2018

nov wknd....

Last weekend was fun.  I left work early and drove up to TUlsa Friday to meet a friend for lunch. I wasn't sure what to expect since we'd planned it a few weeks back and I had though it'd just be him and me meeting up.  I left work after an hour or so and made it up to TUlsa by 11:30 to meet at Blue Moon Cafe, which I kept driving by and missing since they have taken down their awning our front. ha  My friend J and his wife E and their 3 kids were there and we sat down for lunch. the kids completely quiet and well behaved actually, just the kind I like ;).   btw i had a chicken sandwich and it was not great, dry and just a breast of meat on a bun with lettuce and chees ( granted I'd asked without the guac) but still, not much for a ten dollar sandwich.
anyway, after we chit chatted a bit, the wife and kids took their car to run over to Utica square and J and I got in my truck to go to World Market first and then meet them at Utica.  It gave us a chance to catch up, we both like to give our social commentary and gripes about this or that online or tv and how we view things also job stuff and all that. he's a good longtime friend.  I bought some chocolate and cookies and a few Christmas napkins , and we looked at other stuff there then left for Utica.  We shopped at Banana Republic and I tried on this really cool drab green mole skin jacket, but was like, nah.  their Traveler style slim fit jeans fit me well, and I have a blue and black pair, so while J tried on a few pairs, I considered the drab green moleskin pants and then decided to get a belt.  I got some shoes on sale online last week, a pair of work shoes , my brown ones I've had for ages like more than ten years are worn!! so anyway, the new pair of shoes is more of a tan brown, so the belt was needed to match.  it was $60, but everything was %40 off, plus I got %15 off for being a teacher, and then I got another 10% OFF for using my BR credit card. Voilah! $36!  (I'd done the math on the jacket and it came out to $109, but I detained myself because I knew I was going to make another online purchase at around $80 on Saturday, which I did, 2 Ramshorn WIllow trees and a Cotinus shrub)
anyway, his family came and found us in BR, and we all walked down to the Anthropologie store where everyone found interesting things to comment about in their Christmas stuff section. then I left.
I had planned to make it back by 4:30 for crossfit, but got home just in time to cancel and then wait for the 6:30 training class instead.
Saturday was great, lazy morning, cold out, pajamas on most of the day, doing laundry , online videos, a wee bit of grading online things from my classes...  about 5pm I left over to S's house here in OKC. his husband B was out of town all weekend so we'd planned to go eat at Cafe Parelli's at the mall and catch the end of the OU/OSU big rivalry football game. then we walked around and went into Pottery Barn there and then Banana Republic again, this time I tried on the drab green pants and they fit perfectly!! however I'd forgotten my wallet and didn't have my ID for them to look up my account etc etc to buy them... alas! :)  we also shopped at Dillards after that then I made it home by 8:30ish.
I received a phone message while I was out. it was from Betty's daughter saying she wouldn't be at church in the morning. Betty had some dire pain last week and they said the Cancer had spread from her lungs and she's been put on painkillers and in bed in a hospice room? at the assisted place she's in.... sigh.
I went to church SUnday, and Sunday school afterwards, then grocery store as usual.  graded some online stuff and laundry and general pick up arond the house Sunday, then drove over to my mom and dad's around 2:30 for a few hours. my older brother and 2 sisters met me over there and we all chit chatted and hung out. we discussed Thankgiving, and then we decided i would host our sibling Christmas get together this year since my bro did last year and the the sister before that and the other sister hosts Thanksgiving etc etc.  after everyone had left, my mom took me back to a room and gave me a file of her mother's writings.  My mom grew up in Long Island and her mother was somewhat of an independent literary sort. she had several typed up stories and records of addresses where she'd submitted them to magazines and such.  stories about the family dog and "How to Not Give Up Smoking" etc..  a few Writers magazines in there as well from '61.  I brought them home with me. 
I didn't swim laps this morning because of the snow! we had snow this morning!!  good week to all, I just noticed up way too late.