Saturday, December 29, 2018

dear reader in 2018.....

I did a little bathroom project to decorate the bathroom a little bit last weekend when the family came over and I thought I'd post since today I'm taking down all the Christmas decorations and boxing things up, the tree down and boxed, etc..  I made a sort of frame for the window and painted it white, and then I hung these glass insulators that I got from Betty's estate sale and put white flowers and evergreens.  I also am showing a photo of the wall between the window and the corner of the adjacent wall where the mirror and pedestal sink are in my little bathroom. the doorway is directly opposite this. I have a star - souvenir of Honduras, a porcelain coral shaped thing I got as a souvenir at a shop in UK last summer, and the little framed postcard that I got at the Buckingham Palace exhibit of "gifts" from India, and then a glass bud vase, another treasure from Betty's. She was there when I took it home and said I'd better treat it carefully as she'd had it for so long and had kept it from breaking.. I hope I can do the same. anyway the colors all go well enough together with my blue-green Ikea handtowel. ;).

If you can see the banner photo, that is my old PC monitor plugged into my laptop. Very useful having two screens this weekend to binge watch Netflix Interior Design challenge while zigzagging around on the internet on my laptop. ha and if you looked close and saw my feet up and slippers on, yes, I stuck a letter "L" in masking tape on my new slippers so I would know which one was the left foot. problem solved. ha. now I'd like to get back to some readers who have been kind enough to give me some feedback and comments:
LondonBear, I appreciate the hugs and words of encouragement. I'm always mostly doing well whenever I take a break from blogging.  Usually I just don't have anything new to say, no new thoughts, or am trying to commit time and effort into doing a better job at work when there are long breaks between blogging.  I hope to get more of an interesting social offline life going for me this next year, and perhaps that will give me more to say online. time will tell. ha  I hope you've had a wonderful Christmas break in London wherever you are. I know I thoroughly enjoyed treading all over the place in that city last summer!
Roderick, I also appreciate your encouragement and comments. thank you for keeping up with the blog.  I read an article jsut this week about the benefits of journaling, so perhaps I should try to get my thoughts straight a bit more by sharing them in the blog.
Greg, always enjoy your comments as well. one thing this blog originally did for me is to get my thoughts and feelings about dealing with my life out there to see who could relate, and I've found that just thinking through it and putting my honest thoughts out there is a good way to relate to others in a similar situation.
Most of the original bloggers I'd connected with all came out and lived their lives without much of a need for blogging anymore. I'm not quite at that point and I suspect there are other readers who share the same singleness on the fence of leaning asexual.  This is something I do hope to push myself off of in the next year, I'm wanting to more and more pursue an actual relationship as I hear more and more about the benefits of having a life partner to challenge and sharpen our thoughts, actions, decisions , choices in life etc....I'm not sure I'm convinced that I'm not incomplete just being independent me.
j.lee,  I am 6'and a half if I'm honest. I don't know how that has happened as I've been 6'1" all my life. I've maintained my 32" waist, and as I've just walked away from the computer and dug out the scale from the back closet, set it on the kitchen floor and weighed myself, I'm 179lbs.  This is an all time high for me , and it's funny I'd be excited to be gaining weight, but I know it's all good weight from doing a year or more now of crossfit 5 times a week. keep in mind, readers, that like a fat person who loses weight might always feel fat, I grew up skin and bones and always feel like the stick I was growing up, thus any solid weight gained is a plus for me. woot  I tend to be 32" or size M for waist, and L for anything long sleeve. shoe size 9, although today I found a great deal on some converse online for $25 after I "joined" up with Nike.com for the free shipping ( they own Converse now, ugh, I know) and put in the code COLORS, and I got 8.5 because the 9's are always a bit too long for my feet.
Bill,  thank you also for keeping up with the blog. You must have some good research skills to find a rate my professor rating. ;) I do not have a faculty listing simply out of spite between me and the secretary. ha... they asked for us to write a description by a certain deadline and I had already done it the year before. They said it'd been lost blah blah blah and I didn't feel like re writing it anyway. Plus I don't like my image and info coming up in public searches anyway so yeah, i was fine with it. but I definitely am still working away at the college.  I don't know if I've dealt completely with the grief of losing Betty, but I know I've completely rationalized it, she was so old. I'm sure I'll begin to really miss her more this summer when the usual times of going to meetings or visiting her when it was too hot to work outside etc happen again.  I'm considering checking into a hospice near and see if they need like a volunteer to visit? I may or may not pursue that.
Alexander, thank you also for your comments about Betty. thanks for keeping up with the blog. Patrick, thanks also for still reading. :)
SBDO, I failed to reach my Thanksgiving deadline in writing a letter to my folks. But I will do it. You'd asked what I plan to say or my process.
Well, I plan to just mail them the letter. I plan to include something at the end about no apologies needed and only a few questions welcomed. I plan to explain that God's plan for me hasn't included an attraction for women and that I've been doing my best to come to terms with His plans for me otherwise and how that corresponds with biblical teaching as I've been raised. Does that make sense, I find myself finding it difficult to use the "G" word. I don't like boxes! labels! terms! I am obviously still dealing with that, (even as more and more society wants to separate everyone into a label and stereotype and separate group). Anyway, I plan to say something about honesty and my life not being some unspoken mystery, i want them to know I don't have any "other lifestyle" or life. I fell I'm very honest with everything I do with my gay friends and I want to be up front because i don't know what they think about my gay friends or if i'm dating this or that random name I mention. (I'm not. ha).  I also need to help my dad understand that I know he loves me, but that I feel strong angry feelings when he says things like "why don't you give her an engagement ring for a gift" like he did last summer when I discussed my friend T's bday. which I thought was partially my fault if I'm not being honest, although I've also considered it as perhaps a passive aggressive remark since we don't discuss my SITUATION. :)  I also have considered making a point about his remark last summer before my trip when I was discussing carrying around a drawstring bag around with my camera on the trip and him asking if it was like a "man purse," which I couldn't tell if he was begin passive aggressive or trying to make a joke with my brother there ( it was my siblings and folks together for my early b-day cake get together since i'd be gone on my trip during my actual bday). Here it was a celebration of me, and suddenly I get triggered and want to storm out of the place ( silent thoughts in my own mind, I brushed them off).  Also, I want to figure out a nice to say how I've come to terms with my masculinity completely independently, but how a sensitivity remains, (will that help him to understand I'd never want to hear jokes as such and even at my age still need his AFFIRMATION etc etc?....)but on the other hand it might not be anything he cares to understand, or could understand, and maybe its just my own self esteem issue, and also I don't want to point any blame etc.. I don't know - I'm still giving it a lot of thought. Less is always more, so I hope to keep the letter short and sweet ( this blog doesn't count).  these are all the things that I'm running through my mind in preparation. I spoke to a visiting friend about it just last night, and he was encouraging when he said it was okay I hadn't made my goal. He pointed out that I made the decision after my birthday last summer and that gave me a year til next birthday.  I'll aim for Spring break now, promise....
Josh, I mean, come on, you were in OKC, and we didn't meet!?!?  ha ha. j/k.  thank you also for checking in with the blog. I love getting your notes in emails. I hope to respond more. your travelling all around doing so many projects -whoah! my life pretty much just remains the same here, and I hope to travel more, definitely see more show!I do like keeping up with each other. please lets.
DW! all comments always welcome! send photos of your dogs sometime, or the house or something from rainy FL? :)  btw,the dentist I was going on about, well bad news, he has a gf! boo hoo.. ha ha.  I did some deeper research, i.e. clicked on his facebook friends, and he was in the profile photo of a female friend, who turned out to be a nurse who he went on a Christmas vacation to Mexico with last weekend. She has an open profile and there were all their couple photos on the beach, drinking poolside etc etc blah blah. whatever! I'm over it! ha ha..  still thought it was weird that he brought up the gay pride in Austin comment last time I visited. However perhaps he's just calling me out. How did he know!?!?  ha ha  I talked all about this while my Austin friends were visiting last Sunday night.
As I'm setting some goals as usual for the new year and directions to pursue and things to adjust in my daily life, I'll make an effort to put my thoughts out there a bit more than last year. 2018 coming to an end and it was actually a pretty good one for me. I even considered writing a little update letter with my Christmas cards this year as it was a bit more eventful. two things about this year I'll always remember are my amazing summer birthday trip all over the UK and saying goodbye to Betty :( . New year ahead!

4 comments:

James Dwight Williamson said...

My goal and yours are the same , more of an out of the house social life in 2018. My goal is Paris by Bastille Day. Very Flattered to be virtual
Friends and you do so many things I wish I were doing. I pray rarely for much for myself, usually for help or health for others. I will pray that when you are ready you can put your most comfortable self on public display. For what it’s worth my father died with out agreeing to spend a night in my home where a boyfriend was also staying ever. Didn’t matter if the person had a Ph.D , spoke five languages and had worked with the Rockefeller Foundation. My mother pushes back as if it will take time away from her and that she would be less than. I will end with my live by quote and my gold standard by Doctor Suess. “ Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter”. Blessings and dog pictures as we finish this year and begin again.

Patrick said...

Good luck Dan for 2019, I hope its a good one for you.

Best Wishes

Patrick.

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year Dan🎉,

Phew...that was a watershed recap. Much success to you in 2019.
Looking forward to reading more adventures!
Best,
Alexander

Anonymous said...

From my experience, I would guess your parents already know about you. I am not saying they want to admit it, but they know. You have to judge, if they are willing to accept it if you tell them openly, or they feel more
comfortable the way things are now. They know about you; they do not have to have to deal with it. I hope they accept and love you regardless.