Thursday, April 11, 2013

thirstday....

thatguy asked about my thoughts on the article. well I can definitely relate to it. I never came out in college actually, but I had an incident I've blogged about long time ago. where before I moved away from town after I'd graduated and having packed up my room where I was living off campus with 5 other guys sharing a house. I'd left some printed pics of guys under my mattress and everything got packed but that... when I returned from moving my stuff back home to OKC, a few of my roomies and I went out that night for coffee and check out the book store in Fayetteville, and they told me about how some other of the guys had found that while moving stuff around in the room and deciding who'd live in my old room next etc etc.. anyway they just said whatever and how all the guys didn't care and they loved me regardless etc etc and was I okay going away to the mission field and would I be bringing any porn with me... IT was actually done very nicely and kindly and I love all those guys to this day, we're all friends and still see each other at homecomings etc etc.. but I remember at the time I was pissed off at myself like nothing else for letting it happen, letting my personal secret get out there and out of my control. man that really sucked. but of course looking back now I can see that had something to do with how I thought everyone perceived me and how desperately I only wanted to be seen and thought of as a normal straight male accepted by any other, and not as GAY.
 years before that one of my best friends from okc had found out and her husband also... they are a couple I visit and stay with whenever in town. it was years after that that I told my ex gf, after she'd been married a few years, I think i came out to her and her husband during a long car ride. she told me years after that how awkward it was for her and that she'd had no idea at all. ( I had thought for sure a mutual friend had told her by then, but nope). ha
 ANother thing I can relate to is all the nudity male bonding and humor going around at my college. I guess if you can't get into trouble by drinking or drugs, you tend to look for good clean trouble like nude pranks and jokes. streaking, etc... although there was the crowd of smokers and drinkers too of course. In fact one of the roomies I mentioned before was an RA in college once and for a couple of years he would do a prank to freshman guys hanging out late night hours in the atrium of the dorm, like a small group sitting around past 1 am or something, anyway he'd run out to 'em with nothing on but a tool belt and say, "You guys call maintenance?" ha ha
this week has flown by and I'm glad.did another move job today after school. went to the gym downtown after work, arm day, and then over to my friend a's workplace by 530 to move furniture out of one trailer on the lot to another.
so I've just finished my usual dinner followed up by two bowls of Trix cereal! that' can't be good. and I'm about to get ready for bed and watch the last few episodes of The Outs.  bring on the weekend!

1 comment:

rugbysex said...

isn't it sad how badly we all just want to be accepted for who we are. it helps me to believe that for good or bad God made me the way i am and God doesn't make mistakes. he loves me. he died for me. yep...God doesn't hate fags. Jesus loves me...this i KNOW!
cheers!