Sunday, August 26, 2012

fix 'em upper

yesterday was awesome. L and his gf E came by around 130 and we visited for about an hour and I showed him his school's yearbook from when he was 8th grade, and some old photos I had from the class field trip that year. we did a lot of catching up about other students, and then we talked about how he and the gf met etc etc.. eventually went to lunch at a sandwich place and I think they got out of town by 330 or 4. I couldnt' keep smiling and the time just went by way too fast. I only wish I'd had made some chocolate chip cookies to send them off with. I did burn L a CD with mainly Django Django album on it and then some other random songs like "light a roman candle" by Fun, "There's Only Love" by Ewart and the Dragon, "Heartbreaker" by Metronomy, and "Waters of March" by Art Garfunkel and various others that would fit. How cool she had taught 2 years in Japan doing ESL and is now going to grad school for International Relations in CO. L is returning to NYC to check on his acceptance to Parsons Design school while he waits to see if he can go to grad school in Milan, Italy. something like that. I remain proud of him, and I'm completely thrilled he found a girl who has very strong church upbringing from Little Rock AR. ha
the other former student J, who lives in NYC that I visited last year, he called Saturday and said he and the gf now live in FiDi and the couch is ready for me to stay on anytime, we discussed me coming up to visit again the December. how awesome instead of a train ride in from Brooklyn, I'll be just a block from a Subway stop and tehn on my way anywhere uptown in manhattan. shweet! I'm going to start saving now, choose a weekend and get that plane ticket purchased. that way, by the December gets here the charge card will be back down to zero and ready for Christmas shopping.
Actually, I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but I pay my charge card down to zero every month. it's the only way to live. other than big expenses and emergencies. Discipline people, you can do it! easy enough if you don't have the cash, don't buy stuff. ha however like I said, at Christmas time or for big expenditures, I will charge and carry a balance over a month I it come to that. I'm also wanting to attempt getting up to DC for fall break (we get out for 2 weeks)....
I haven't mentioned it, but my sister wants to set me up with a teacher she works with, the girl is younger than I am, wants children, and allthe ladies at my sister's work think we'd be a good personality match. I said I wasn't interested but they said we have to at least go out for yogurt or a quick pizza etc...I guess that's why it's a good idea to come out to family. but when you're not even comfortable being out to your self why would I be out to my family etc... I mean for example, on an online chatline profile I had a ways back, it read as NOT OUT. And I'd always think, well gee I know most of the gay community in OKC and go to parties and see them and used to try out some of the gay clubs now and then with buddy S. but so does that mean I'm out or not out. or does it mean not at work, or to family, etc... all my best college friends pretty much know, except my best friend who's married with 2 kids that I visit in AR all the time. anyway, I also though how could I even seriously consider it, what with if I married a girl, having all my closest friends from college saying in their minds, does she know, is he really happy etc etc... although I ahve to say it makes me pretty sad thinking so badly I want to do it have kids, cut off all my old friends and just start that new dream life. ha ha.. don't scold me, I'm just talking thoughts here, I'm not an idiot, I blow off the set up.
I am off to lunch with mom and dad just now. PIZZA! cheers.


rugbysex said...

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."


Anonymous said...

I agree with rugbysex and all your friends know, you don't think they know -- but they do. You're only stressing yourself out.

How can you really have a "best friend" and not be honest?

Hate to be so honest, but I've been around the pool.

All best, Joseph, East Hampton

drew said...

I was very closeted but I told my sister and it really helped. I think you should try one of them and then you will have someone to communicate with "in" the family and a good person to help you set up your "coming out" to your family. Just a thought!!

ex frat man said...

you'll be surprised. almost everybody already "knows" or have a pretty good idea about it.

but it's YOU that you have to satisfy and be honest with, and if you're not there yet, then take your time and come to a decision.

but LIVE your life on your terms, not for others.

Anonymous said...

the sister's fix up may be a test of your sexuality. one reason i don't like women, they can be devious.

d said...

hey, can't believe we have so many parallel thoughts and situation, the only difference, is that I decided to accept myself last year after reading your blog and several others in the same situation. I came out to my mom, sister, and brothers in the past 3 months. Everyone's reaction was different but ultimately accepted for who I am and most importantly wanted me to be happy. I wish that on you soon. As for kids, why not have it with a lesbian couple and share custody? That's what I'm thinking of doing. My new found friends did it and I think it's working out for them. Anyway, what rugbysex said is true. Be happy. Cheers. David

Anonymous said...

I'm 37. I've been with my partner since I was 24. We have two kids together, and I am happy and it is all awesome. It can (and will) happen.