hey, I definitely do see all comments and have really enjoyed reading yours. I think it's awesome that I can put myself out there on a blog and find people who can relate or find themselves in a similar situation... very cool. I have been doing "both" for quite some many years(when you said you are gay AND a Christian). ------ only that I haven't really sought out a bf or husband or anything like that, so obviously that's the whole stuck in the middle thing for me. I guess I haven't really pursued full fledged gaydom, whatever that is, because of what I like and don't like to do with guys. Also the understanding I have that what I really seem to what is a sort of acceptance or attention from some macho type guys that I can get sexually when I really just want in mentally/emotionally. if that makes sense, the whoel intimacy issue that guys have commented about on there before etc..
I hadn't really answered your question about the girl yet because I hadn't really made a decision if I should pursue that direction or not.. although I've definitely been considering it a lot lately. I watch straight porn and gay porn and the gay porn is usually oral stuff or guys stroking solo. the straight porn is guys and girls having sex missionary position. I'm not sure where that puts me in wanting to have sex with a woman only the rest of my life, but I know versus no sex now it couldn't be all that bad. anyway I also hadn't responded yet because I wasn't going to really blog about it because I'm pretty the sure most repsonse on here would be forget even considering doing that. ha I would liek to say, yes my ex gf knows everything about how I've been living, she has gay friends, she knows exactly what I've done and haven't done. we've discussed why I feel this way one or another. We've discussed the issues of her and her ex husband with sex and something that happened to her at age 5 etc etc... I've discussed it with her best friend, a girl I grew up in church with here in OKC and she is all for it, and thinks we could work it all out etc etc saying that my ex gf is still competely hot for me like she was in college. all that... but I'm not really going to blog much about it because right now I have my new job on my mind more than anything, a trip to Austin fall break to see my gay buddy there (will also test out his feelings on the deal), and so a trip to AR is not really planned until homecoming weekend sometime in october. oh wait maybe that is before fall break. ha well that's the where things lie with the whole marry a girl issue. Believe me I remain right in the middle of the whole gay/bi figure it out deal.... I am only throwing it into the bowl of options. right now I'm ok with a few pics online now and then and getting my life back in order and stable with some fulltime pay and benefits again. readers, do keep the comments and questions coming, and I'll try to get more response and discussion going. otherwise, forget the discussions and just keep enjoying the pics! :)
ps. no we've never had sex before