Monday, January 26, 2009

ice ice baby

iced over okc tonight, and so quiet in the house tonight, I live on a corner of two neighborhood streets so it's really noticeable when it's like saturday morning and none of the usual traffic out, or holidays or like today, NOTHING, everyone just stays HOME. I subbed today and had one planned for tomorrow but the school is closed. ahhh well. I'll be spending the day packing instead. I hope to get all things put away and then plan all the right things to bring with me to Austin. I'm going down there wednesday and staying all weekend. my buddy there has his one year sobriety I'm going to his meeting with him for, and then we're also going to a dinner and opening night for "Rigetello" in AUstin, so my first opera and suit and tie event. ahh yeah.
I have been pondering many things, closet me, as usual this last weekend, after Sunday's sermon on marriage which included that man is incomplete without a woman. I was thinking yeah, I feel pretty incomplete but..... ha. and then my mom got me this book for Christmas which hadn't arrived in time so I got it this week and started reading it, "Craving Community, the New AMerican Dream". so far I'm enjoying it.
If you're not an avid reader of dudetube blog, he had a post up the other day about gay for pay porn stars on Tyra banks talk show, I"m linking the queerty blog page here. It has a lot of seperate clips posted. very interesting, and there is a gay guy on there saying he's against the whole idea, and then someone else comments on the page about all these self hating gay guys etc etc blah blah. but that also made me think about if I"m a self hating gay guy???? so I"m mulling that one over what it means and does it define me at all, I'm not completely serious here guys, I'm just saying I want to understand what group that is and what it means.
and I've been watching all of these guys video's on youtube. they are hilarious.


Anonymous said...

Well, you’ve been mulling things over for years now, and you have never established an adult relationship with a man or woman. Nothing wrong with this if you don’t want a relationship, but otherwise you’ve missed some key development milestones, and its not improving.

Get some professional help if you really want to change, while not impossible to change on your own, the odds are against it. And you know that by now!

You need some one on one support, and you need someone to discuss those issues you won’t talk about on your blog. The first visit is the hardest, and then it gets easier.

Anonymous said...

First, hope you enjoy your first Opera!
And the gay for pay thing, I had a straight buddy in college who did just that. He needed cash to help pay for school. I remember we had a long talk about it one night after a few drinks. He admitted that he never really had any kind of sexual desire for the guys, it was just all about the money.
Just keep "mulling thing over" when the time is right for you to open that closet door, you will.
OH, the clip is VERY funny!

JUSTIN said...

What's that clip from?

Anonymous said...

I printed your entire blog. I am going to make it into a screenplay. I'll keep the title, but create an ending. It will be tragic. It will end with the audience feeling very sorry for Dan. No wait, the ending will be Dan comes out of the closet, finds love, tells his parents, and lives in Boston with a 27 year old Lawyer. They live happily ever after. No wait, create the ending, Dan. Stop hiding behind your blog, and start living! Go 90 days without blogging. See if you can do it. Come see me in Dallas!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like I'm from a religious tradition very similar to yours. Sunday's sermon reminds me of why I'm oh so glad I outgrew it. What is this "man is incomplete without a woman" crap? Ok, your pastor thinks that gay sex in some or all of its forms (anal, fronting, oral, jacking) is illicit. What's his excuse for never reading or taking seriouly Paul's less than glowing endorsement of marriage ("better to marry than to burn") in I Corinitians? What about all those celibate men throughout church history? Telling every man that he needs a woman to be complete is setting men up for self-loathing, unhappiness, and failed marriages. Your pastor has his head up his ass. My experience is that men with a dick up their ass are a lot more decent, moral, and honest than the ones with their head in that location.

Tim said...

LOL if you live alone long enough you will wonder how you could ever put up with someone else in your house. it's just preconceptions. I'm siding with Angus on this one. Sexual happiness brings contentment and a sense of rightness.
If marriage were the answer craigslist wouldn't be overwhelmed with married guys looking to get plowed while the wife is at the store.