went to a junior college near my side of town today, i definitely should be teaching on a college campus I've decided.. ha ha. nah but really, I was remembering this morning how last year, before my overseas venture, I was thinking my next step should be higher ed. so I've decided to focus my attention there first before getting my apps all turned in for public school teaching jobs in the city.
I've been subbing already quite a bit at a highschool two blocks from my place, so that is cool. I'm getting back into a gym routine which is also awesome, since lifting weights is not just a program you start and stop, but health is health for life, so you have to continue and just be consistent whatever your plan is for staying in good physical shape. i know all the yard work i did this weekend must have helped.
I left my swimsuit at the gym last week so I was pretty upset, just really like that swimsuit, it was short and basic plain solid blue etc etc. yadda, also it was one of those clearnace suits i picked up at the mall for under $10. I had 3 of them and now all three are gone, the last one I left at a house in Senegal on my trip, and this one was my last of the three. I've been checking the lost and found but nope no deal.
I've been using the days off from subbing to get myhouse in order, this means getting boxes out of storage, bringing them home and looking inside at all the junk and decide where to put stuff or should I keep any of it. I do have a small Christmas tree up and will probably put the big one up tonight, pics to follow.
I went to a birthday party for a friend of mine in town, this guy I met a long time ago online and we both started checking out the gay bars in okc together. he's very cool, and there were about 10 guys at the party, very casual event and lots of fun cuase I coudl actually talk to people and get to know about them. a few couples there and a few guys older and everyone gay, and very real and open. It was definitely fun but I think I have to learn to shut up about my experiences with guys when I'm with other gay guys. for some reason the freedom is so new to discuss guys with other guys that before you know it I feel like sharing exactly who was getting sucked and where and by who. does anyone else do that accidentally? I have been a few dates with guys where I had to remind myself not to talk about previous guys, after all a guy wouldn't do that with a girl. I guess it's part of me not taking myself seriously in the dating world to where you'd consider falling in love with someone and of course they don't want to hear about who you've been hooking up with before etc...
maybe it's a bit of closet guy phenomenom, for example other closet guys who came out late and have a thing for anonymous bathroom hookups. that's what I've heard anyway.
oh yeah and to the comment about the dallas voice article, thanks for the comment, all comments are welcome and remind me people are reading and to keep the blog going. ALthough yes in a perfect world it'd be wonderful for everyone to be dragged out of the closet, i refuse to believe and think it's utter BULL$#%T to say that every man in the closet is going to go insane and murder someone, and the article was pretty lame to use that sort of scare tactic to drag guys out of the closet. There are all sorts of men who are unfaithful gay or straight, and some figure they get caught, then they get caught and are forced to make a change or deal with it, ether another woman or man. but to say every gay guy in the closet is just driving himself mad enough to murder someone is over the top. In that case, it happened, and I don't know what the particulars were, if the guy threatened to OUT him, or what. but let's keep things in perspective. for me personally I'm pretty confident however long I remain living a closet gay lifestyel, as boring and lame and lonely etc that it can be, I'd never be driven to violent measures in keeping up appearances of anything different. what do you think?
4 comments:
I felt the same way as you did about the Dallas Voice article. Those kinds of articles are basically editorial page pieces and the authors almost always stretch things a bit to make a point. I never bother reading the editorial page because most authors never have any expertise beyond writing itself, so who cares what they think.
The more likely outcome of a closeted life is a higher rate of anxiety and depression. Every closeted person I have met struggled with self acceptance as much as any other issue.
I think it is great that you are willing to go to gay parties and talk about yourself. It is good practice for you, and don’t worry too much about the gay crowd hearing about your adventures. It is unlikely that you will find a party of gay male prudes.
i guess I just do not understand why anyone would
CHOOSE to stay in the closet! But I also do not believe that staying in the closet leads to some sort of deviant behavior for most.
Remember tomorrow 12/10/08 is
"A Day without Gays" All gays are to stay home from work. If EVERY gay did stay home, people would finally notice how many of us there are and how important to society we are.
For what it's worth, though, if gays are more accepted then there would be more effeminates. Ugh. And you might find me sadistic but I find closeted gay guys and closet stories really hot.
Having said that I do feel sorry for anyone who are still trapped inside.
I think of a few people from when i was a kid, whom everyone accepted as "confirmed bachelors." No one ever said "gay" or "homo" about anyone--there was just this quiet understanding that some folks aren't the "marrying type." I'm sure we all have known those types of people.
I imagine them all living a secret life--going to the big city for the weekend, perhaps even keeping a boyfriend in secret.
I sometimes wonder if they were happy doing that? It seems to me that it's a tradeoff--you can be gay in the closet and generally be left alone, or you can be gay and out and then everyone's all up in your business about it and some will even discriminate against you.
It's sort of like the people in "3rd world" countries. Folks from developed nations may go and say "oh, you are so poor" but which is news to them, because they have family, food, health, and happiness. What more do they need? Then we impose technology on them and they become aware that they are "poor" and then are forced to struggle to survive.
Could it be actually viable to have a fulfilling gay life in the closet? Not saying that's best--just wondering. :-)
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