I've been having a great time in senegal. I could easily live the missionary life, but not without the usual I wife and kids. I've done some serious thinking while traveling around the last weeks. what I want when I get back to OKC and how I want to pursue my future from this point on. I'm having an aweomse time here in africa, and I am REALLY looking forward to next weekend in barcelona, but I'm also a little homesick after only getting back to the states for 2 weeks before starting my journeying again.
I met a latin guy in okc who came over a few times, and we went out a few times, but he was coming on really strong, like talking about boyfriend material and all stuff we could do hanging out together etc and it threw me way off. I've just never considered having a bf for real for real, and if I did consider it I don't think he's the one, so I'll have to tell him somehow loud and clear when I get back. although blowing him off altogether is looking really attractive now, I guess I'll have to man up and do the whole confrontation speech of just wanting a FRIEND only... ugh.
it's weird I can't picture myself with a bf, and still dream of a wife and kids, but alas not sure how either one is going to be possible. but I know there's an interesting future in there somewhere, I trust God enough to provide something once I get back to real life after Novemeber back in OKC.
6 comments:
I find it really interesting how all of your blogs and posted picture describes men and are of men. Men at the gym, men in the barracks, men in the mess hall. Slim or beefy, you ask. You are clearly a guy who is into guys.
Get a grip. Your dream of a wife and kids is because that is what everyone wants. That is what we are brought up to want. That is why gays are fighting to marry and adopt.
In 2008 the two do not need to be mutually exclusive. Maybe it is the fear of labeling yourself what you really are. GAY. Get over it. If you and every other closeted gay man were brave enough to come out and face it like all of us so called "queens' and "sissies" have been doing for the past 30 plus years, we would be alot father along than we currently are.
You must think this carefully. Do you really think most women would knowingly marry a gay guy? You would have to find a doormat to be able to marry one or really keep it a secret. And unless you're a Vulcan you'll only encounter problems later on. Think about it, Will you be able to stop yourself from gawking at hot guys while you're taking wifey and kids to the park?
I stumbled across your blog a few days ago and have enjoyed reading it. I think the whole gay / bi / whatever "label thing" can be a tough one. That said, stop and think about what you really want. Whatever it is, you can have it. I am a gay guy, in my 30s, with a partner of over 10 years. Together, we have built up a healthy, wonderful relationship and out of that we have created a family. We have two children together, and while it might turn some heads here and there, we couldn't be happier, our kids are happy and healthy, people around us learn from and understand us, and we are reaching for and achieving the things that we want and that we know are right for us. You cannot let others (from either side of things) dictate what has to work for you.
I read your blog from time to time and only want to leave you with this...
Is it fair to marry a woman and bring children into a marriage that will never be complete? You may never cheat on your wife, and love her completely, but there will always be something missing that you can not give her that a heterosexual man will. You have to consider the other people in this equation, as its not only about your needs and your happiness.
Best of luck.
Unlike some of your other readers, I don’t believe for one second that you will marry a woman, assuming your blog is an accurate representation of your life, and not some elaborate hoax.
However, I can certainly understand the desire of forming your own family unit. I think we all can understand that, see Prop 8 in Calif.
After reading your blog for awhile, I feel saying that you have tremendous conflict with your family, religion, and sexuality is an understatement. Having to hide your sexuality has taken a psychological toll on you as it does with anyone.
Assuming your “friend” back in OKC is not crazy or defective in some way, I would say be a little more understanding with him. Sure he got a little carried away talking about the relationship stuff, but everyone has such thoughts and may not say them out loud. At least you know where he is coming from, so explain where you are coming from and see if the two of you can reach an understanding of some kind. One of the biggest tragedies of the closeted life is that one spends a lot of effort pushing friends and potential mates away instead of drawing them closer.
The best advice I can give is don’t be afraid to fall in love, and more general don’t let fear be a major force in the decisions of your life. You will absolutely regret it.
yo dawg. just be honest with yourself every day, and the rest will take care of itself. I got your back kid. don't worry, be happy. :)
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