thanks for all the comments, always appreciated. I like having a blog just to get it out there, thoughts, ideas, questions, wonderings etc...
I thought about the idea of how not coming out of the closet is like killing yourself and commiting suicide because you are already dead etc etc. and I thought about it and then i decided nah thats rubbish. that sort of romantic notion of only having a true life based on where I'm putting my dick is just not how I was raised to think, or indeed what I even expect out of a true dream of quality of living. I believe that like animals we are meant to mate for life, and the whole fall in love and have sexual intamacy with that one person the rest of your life is definitely a great ideal expectation to have in life. and perhaps the point made is that if you are in the closet you'll never find it. understood. but I think people still get a LOT out of life whether or not paired for life. I believe all the many many single people in the world whether gay or straight are leading fulfilling productive lives in some capacity. Sex fulfills maybe ten minutes to an hour of peoples life, but the real joy I belive comes from thinking, doing, creating, planning, laughing, interacting with people, learning, all sorts of stuff beyond when or who you are sleeping with. (except the single person is missing the JOY of having one true partner to share your body and everything else with in life, your time, activities, worries, cares, dreams, goals, ideas etc.....,day in day out)
I also have to say, that I don't believe I was created to live a wasted life, shut myself down for being gay and not truly experiencing all the gay sex and relationships I "could have been having". On faith I believe that regardless of what decisions I've made to follow this inclination towards sleeping with men or not, that my life has been lived completely as God has planned. Yes, single can get lonely. but I've learned more about myself each step of the way and will continue to do so. Whichever path I eventually choose to go down I'm living, making a difference, and I'm happy, and experiencing a lot. Optimistic for whatever outcome, ain't easy but it's not exactly killing me either, figuratively or subconsciously. :)
3 comments:
I understand where you are coming from.. I spent a good portion of my life riding the fence... After seeing a plane fly into the WTC on the Today Show as it happened, I had a wake up call... No, I did not come running out of the closet with my rainbow flag, but I did not deny my feelings anymore and started a slow process of coming out to friends and eventually most of my family... Most friends had already susupected it, family was a bit floored...but now 7 years later, I am a much better person for doing so... I think everyone has to take their path one step at a time and in time frame that is comfortable to them... I hope that you eventually get to get this burden of life off your shoulders and are able to live life the way you want... God has put us here for a reason... Just take your time and when it happens, it will happen... it may be hard at some times, but with the hard times come some really great times... as Aunte Mame says "Live, Live, Live... life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!!!"
Glad my last comment made you think. Here's another thought provoking one: Click here
Hey interesting commentary there Dan...I just realized you did put a link to my blog in your link, just didn't see it since you called it a "Mystery Link". So that's what has increased my traffic count from your blog. Now it makes sense...hope you got that Subway sandwich by the time you read this. I think you're progressing well with what you want and on your terms. Keep in touch on AIM, okay? Have a safe and relaxing weekend!!
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