so when am I going to be gay. i don't know what that means. Does that mean tell everyone or just get it on in bed with what I want. nothing here in this part of the world, and I guess the message really isn't getting out there since I'm on an air force base and seeing as how no one else is exactly out on this base, how would it benefit anyone knowing I was gay. ha
There is an opportunity possible to maybe stay one more year here, and I have to seriously consider my motives for doing so, not just the money which would be more than twice what I'm making now, but what I am staying away from at home. For example, although I love travelling and working overseas, I have to wonder if I'm just putting off the reality of facing my future in or out of the closet. I live in a dream world that I'll go home after a year or two and just swing back into life as normal, a little more financially stable, but still single and maybe all the family will just sort of accept I'm keeping single and am HAPPY. BUT, not true......the family of course will continue to want to set me up with a girl, or ask me about when I'm getting married, and what with me being one or two years older, all the more urgency. ha.
SO if I stay another year i could build on to my house, or build a house, and live out my Dwell magazine dreams. ha. Although even then I have to think about why build on more rooms, for who? kids? grandkids? why would I need it and who exactly do I dream is going to visit and stay over and all that? I suppose my married buds with kids would come visit which is cool. and a great room for having family over for meals would also be cool.
As of now, I am just fantasizing of the getting over 3 more months of being here. And already thinking of my plan for hitting my house, cleaning everything, and exactly how I plan to hit the yard in November in the last last days of fall, to clean it up and prepare for the next spring.
I think a LOT about how I want to meet guys when I return to the states. I aim to NOT look on the internet at all, maybe a date site, but who in OKC just wants to date, in my experience guys only want to hook it up! the bars maybe? nah, the bar types in okc are pretty fem, not my crowd, something about coming out young (maybe just in okc) makes a guy suddenly think he has to act like every gay stereotype just to prove gay is what he is. I'm not sure why...
in other news, my roomie back in okc, finally paid rent, and then he's also paying for the gas bills that added up and then June's rent by first of June.... I'll be watching carefully because some comment on his myspace mentioned him wrecking his truck and was he ok. oh great!
Also the new mil guy giving the sermons here at our weekly church at the chapel on base, well he's not my style at ALL for worship, and also he cut in the post office line in front of me to have some conversation with the guy helping me one day, and that sort of pissed me off, not that every Christian is perfect, but I just felt like I saw a bit of his real character with hime doing that.
oh yeah, my roomie here on base, I'm not disliking him as much anymore, after lots of prayer in India I decided I needed to just forgive and forget, and we are talking a lot now and getting along quite nice. In fact he's the one trying to write a contract and cut out the middle man in getting us a teaching job next year with a different division of the govt and a LOT better set up and pay.
IF we get the contract I'll have to decide, but right now my hearts set on returning in Nov to OKC for good!