Wednesday, March 14, 2007

looking foward to the weekend

I plan on heading down to Austin Friday as soon as 5th hour class is over, ( I'm leaving a little early during my last hour plan, but after all it's spring break!). I'm driving down this time because I didn't see any flights under $200 , all the good ones were taken on account of it being south by southwest music festival weekend. should be a lot of fun down there though because of that, the bars are always packed. My bud down there is in recovery and chemical free so I plan on being very careful this time about going out at all. I think it gets uncomfortable if I'm just wanting to go down and go to bars and stuff when he may not be ready to go out to bars and stuff just yet. usually his nightly meetings are around 8pm I think. I went with him to one last time, it was awesome. I'm really proud of him for getting control of his life this last few years. He had been fired from a new job while doing meth, and now makes more than 60k in the new position he is in there in Austin. super sweet! btw, it was a huge surprise to suddenly recieve his letter from rehab after all that happened, even throughout all my visits i had NO IDEA. I can be pretty naive anyway with stuff like that, I always just assumer the best with most people.

So yeah I'm going to be glad to get away. anyone ever feel like a gay closet guy with straight friends or a straight closet guy with gay friends? that prolly sounds dumb, but I've been asked at gay bars before if I'm straight, I'll just say, well I'm in this bar, alone!. I guess I figure its obvious I'm gay looking for guys if I'm in a gay bar looking for guys. I'm the kind of guy that can fit in to most social occasions, but of course you learn carefully just what to talk about and what not to talk about with different people. right? I guess that's the same for everyone, i don't know. I guess it comes down to people's priorities, is it family, dating, sex, money, faith? etc.. that really direct their lives and interest in other people.

this week has been crazy, getting ready for nine weeks tests with my students, and getting ready for this teacher luncheon tomorrow at my school. I'm in charge of the tables which means I don't have to cook and bring anything. also I'm getting evaluated tomorrow the first half of my class after lunch. and I'm also hoping to be completely packed and ready tomorrow night so I can go to work Friday morning and just leave from there to Austin. anyone else ready for spring break?

AUSSIE readers, today on the news here in OKC they report about the water level dropping 2 feet in Sydney and the heat is causing an overrun of cockroaches in the city. national news I guess.
Yet, You know you are in Oklahoma when the weatherman is reporting about the Allergy forecast... hmm.

who's your buddy?

Monday, March 12, 2007

car show fun.....

mark and kelly

both HOT, heck I'd just like to be neighbors or just hang out with these two, maybe be their landscaper...??

jewel from morning tv

mike in CA , check it out! she's awesome. I love a girl who can really sing and play guitar and jewel is always right ON anytime live. talent!

just to clarify......

I'm not confused or undecided, I am attracted to guys. Although I have not yet been led to pursue much further than the usual messing around, and I've said before on here that I'm not even particularly interested in going all the way with a dude. This may or may not ever change for me, it most likely will be based on an emotional connection of some sort if it ever did happen. by that I mean an actual commited relationship. Although I haven't stopped considering that the same could happen with a woman. I am not exactly open to either option, I would rather marry a woman and have a family and not be alone the rest of my life, as in commited relationship with our own offspring giving me a real purpose to aging and leaving part of me behind. Not just a part of me physically, but instilling a part of me in them so that they are children who appreciate all the beautiful people and beautiful things in this world and hopefully give a part of themselves to the world to make it a better place....etc etc.
I post a lot of pics on here of guys I think I'd like to have looked more like when I was in college. I didn't really start growing any real body until after college, it's getting in better and better shape now, but in college I was skinny. So I admire a guys build just out of admiration of beauty. But also of course, I can admire pics at other times, considering different situations and what they are doing with their bodies.
The male attraction began with just jerking off together and then some drunk touching, and then some more drunk touching and jerking and making out. The attraction was always that fact guys were doing this secretly, and I guess really the whole taboo thing of two guys since I was raised and came to commit myself to Christianity. So participating in sexual activity openly as a lifestyle never seemed like an option for me. I'm not saying this to be offensive or controversial, and most non-Christians would probably consider it plain stupid. that's fine, check out the pics, don't read the blog in between. But I do like having the blog to just get my thoughts out privately as I currently live with an attraction that I don't share with everyone publicly. Maybe this could be a coming out blog but it's going to be over several and many more years most likely if ever. THis is just me as a CHristian man, deciding how to make my life about my faith and not about who I want to get into bed with. and yeah I'm obviously choosing to do both right now. I am able to get the type of guys I only could have looked at from afar when finishing college. (have I mentioned beofre how don't even always climax with guys?)... I consider it a physical indulgence when I mess around with guys. Perhaps I'll learn to accept it, perhaps not. For now I'm comfrotable with the balance I have or struggle with or whatever. Because of the blog I know I'm not the only one who considers these things, or not the only one trying to hold on to both the sexual orientation and perhaps conflicting faith.
I guess that sums it up for now anyway, this week, this month, today. Maybe I'll meet the love of my life in Austin next week during spring break. My goal is NOT to look, that 's when they always find you, it seems. ha.


He wore the Cain's ballroom t-shirt. and even mentioned that when they set up the american tour he wanted to play cains in Tulsa again because it was his favorite stop last time. that was awesome he also metioned that he has worn the Cains ballroom tshirt all over the world during concerts. so cool. iT was a blast to sing along with the crowd and rock out to every song. and the lead singer would just grina dn smile in response to the singing and cheering. man it was unbelievably a great great experience. I couldn't have asked for more. hope they come back SOON.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

more gym inspiration... keep going guys

panama trip 2

any comment on which of the four is hot? or which two you'd most like to see get more friendly??

survive your weekend?

I did, it was not too eventful but pretty full. Friday after work I was going to do some extra volunteering downtown but they didn't need me after all, so instead I got to work out my back and shoulders. came home and lyaed back on the couch and just relaxed. had a teacher's b-day party at this bar to go to. Always fun to see co workers away from work. Saturday I was up early running errands and picking up my house, and then outside to move stuff around in the yard. We're getting a lot of rain on sunday so I wanted to get some bulbs moved around so they'd get watered back in today.
Car show all afternoon with my buddy S, we walked around all the buildings and got in and out of cars and suvs and trucks, and checked out all the other guys walking around. lots of hot guys walking around, not many hot girls though, after all it's a car show.
came home and showered up and changed and went to Nonna's downtown bricktown. THis place is all class. it's a new fancy place downtown two stories and a balcony patio upstairs. We had a room to ourselves upstairs for an engagement party, my old colleg buddy and former roomate. I love his fiance, she is really funny and super smart. she has her own law firm working with oil drilling or something, I don't know, but she even has her own school in the office for landmen. anyway, of course all of her friends and family and some not too annoying lawyer friends were there. open bar and tons of fun meeting lots of hot girls and some hot guys.
I slipped out at 10 and met S at the gay bars. With big 12 in town bricktown was PACKED with people here for the bball games. we thought maybe the gay bars would be more crowded with some new faces, but alas, just crowded, nothing really new or interesting out. We discussed next time just going out to the str8 bars downtown and checking it all out there.
Of course I wasn't much in the mood last night other than to have a beer and hang out sometime. what with daylight savings this morning, and also I'm going to Austin next weekend for the first half of my spring break vacation so bound to have some fun down there. I've been cutting a lot of sweets this year, and my workouts I've done 3 sets instead of 4 and increased the number of types of workouts I do one body group, I think it's definitely helping, and I would definitely recomend guys to throw in a VARIETY of workouts not always the same ones for the same muscle group, , you'll see results.
anyone in okc been to Cafe do Brazil yet? On saturdays there is a one man band plays til about 2pm and the place is awesome. went yesterday for lunch before the car show. I get the most non brazilian thing on the menu everytime I go, the club sandwich, anyway yesterday I had the apple cake for desert, whip cream on top and it was so good! recomend it.
I'm off to church this morning, up early and I think I'm going to actually make it on time this morning. tomorrow morning Monday an hour early will really suck I already know!