well not sure how many closet dudes are reading the blog, but I'll tell ya I'm thinking of how Holiday times can sometimes really get me down being single and in the closet. This year not so much because I've gotten away from real life for a while...so to speak. well that's not fair, what I'm doing is real life, and I love what I'm doing and it's part of my nature straight or guy, to travel, see the world, work in an environment of servitude. But on the other hand it also is putting off facing certain realities of family confronting and asking about when I'm getting married etc... as each holiday passes with kids growing up and friends having kids and everyone just waiting and praying for me to get hitched.
ALSO I remember being home at Christmas for the holidays and since I was closet and not with a serious girlfriend (thats right the "one that got away" was just married a month before I left usa, and for the record she broke up with me 4 years ago this dec 28th, not that it pulled the rug from under me or anything.. I seriously thought she was the one i could make it all work out with....and yeah i know some readers will say we are better off not living some "lie"..... but anyway.) and also not with a serious boyfriend, since I was not commiting to being gay or straight, both are hard to find. And something about the holidays makes you want to be with someone, for me it was the break from teaching at school, and all those cold winter mornings i wanted to lay in bed and wake up next to someone I loved. or just sit back with someone right next to me on the couch watching a movie or something. and new years is even worst, drinking it up at a bar is all right, but if alone, I feel like you might as well sleep through it until you have someone to kiss at the midnight hour.
anyway, so all this to say, the Holidays, we must remember can be lonely times, even for the guys who may be out to everyone in life except family, and then they are stuck spending all this quality time with people they love but feeling they will never truly be understood. Well i don't mean to whine or anything, but I know that's why I always keep myself so busy at the holidays, projects aroung the house, traveling, getting in touch with my church single group and doing all their activities. all good ideas I guess to help get one through.
THe one thing is I've quit expecting the new year to bring any big change. I sort of just try to keep true to my Christian protestant faith regardless of the time of year.
I love all these other blogs because these are guys in college or fresh out of college and they are decisive and brave and commit to goals of coming out and getting on with life. It's great to live sort of vicariously through all of them, like a dream of what i could do, or should have done long ago. ha
So to all closet readers out there, who are still inbetween and maybe fishing around the internet and feeling more closeted than usual because it's the holidays, I wanted to say I know exactly how you may feel.
all in good time.
Enjoy this wonderful time of the year, this limbo week of people in and out of town between the 25th and new years...