There is something I've noticed in all the international military guys this week that seems maybe a little different than guys in the states. But I think most of this has something to do with dealing wtih all the closet feelings of feeling less macho because of gay stereotypes etc etc.
anyway, I was thinking about how when I look into the eyes of these guys I don't feel like I'm being immediately evaluated or judged on which side of the fence I'm on when it comes to sex.
is that to say, that with American guys I feel like they are constantly trying to label me straight or gay, and does this society indeed deman that we choose and identify as one or the other.
And I was thinking do I feel comfortable with that, or am I afraid that I lose some sort of respect or "in" with the guys or trust or put into a different club...etc. Well of course it shouldnt' be that way and most likely is isn't, those are just thoughts and feeling inside I've considered .
But there is something in the eyes of these international men I'm working with this week, that seems open and honest and direct and non judgemental. They seem to see me as a person and a man first. If that makes any sense. so real. I'm not sure yet what I want to to call it, but it is something that the all around american good ole guy has, that really great guy everyone likes and he's confident and nice and sincere etc, or what the salesman learns to fake. something like that.
I'm enjoying my day getting to knwo the students and practice teaching them, and the more you treat them as equal the more they are just as friendly. we met all the Afghan students yesterday and they were completely nice and freindly and motivating to us.
3 comments:
Makes sense to me.
is that to say, that with American guys I feel like they are constantly trying to label me straight or gay, and does this society indeed deman that we choose and identify as one or the other.
Yes. Although, I would say it is not just you feeling that way, but it is something that is much more inherent about American culture.
But there is something in the eyes of these international men I'm working with this week, that seems open and honest and direct and non judgemental.
Also, I think this can be seen in another aspect of European perspective. Europeans rarely will ask a person what they "do," as in work, when first meeting and getting to know them. Americans, on the other hand, usually ask this as the first or second question, because American culture tends to define a person by what they do, their work or their job, rather than by who they are. That would seem to imply that they need a label or a category to fit everyone into in order to know how to relate to them and, more sinister, a way to know how (and if ?) to relate to or continue getting to know someone. Europeans seem much more interested in discovering who a person is and make a determination that way as to whether they want to get to know them or hang around them.
I would also hasard a theory that military service in other countries is often mandatory, and even if not, there doesn't seem to be the "no gays" attitude and policy, oops, sorry, "don't ask, don't tell" policy, that this country is so hung up on. Therefore, I would think this makes them more "open and . . . direct and non-judgemental" because they aren't automatically looking for something that is against the "rules" just because it's the military.
Obviously, some generalisations, but I hope that makes sense in some way.
HiC
Man, I have the same thoughts as you, about whether guys are constantly trying to figure out my sexuality. I wonder if it's just closet paranoia though -- I figure straight guys probably don't obsess so much about it. I know it's a constant joke for them, but I doubt they dwell on it in the same serious way.
And I too worry that I'll be seen as less of a man, less macho, once guys figure out I'm gay. Won't be part of the club.
Bah.
Nothing Golden Stays
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