Friday, September 28, 2007

second thoughts...........

this morning I'm considering why I did'nt just tell my parents last weekend, why I may never settle down and get married. I started getting some angry thoughts about my dad and him talking about finding some girl to get married to if I was bored with my life here, I was thinking that if he really loved me he wouldn't say those things, but then I started thinking I haven't been honest with them completely, so I can't just assume they know I like messing around with guys and haven't been interested in finding a mrs. right at all lately.... Still I think it's just my dad's farmer brown mentality that what he expects for all his kids, (I'm one of five). I guess this is an opportunity for my parents to think outside of the box, which I told them last weekend, that I wish they could feel excited about something I feel excited about doing just because it makes ME happy, regardless of what they'd prefer for me. That's a hard part of growing up I guess. respecting the wisdom and advice of my parents on the one hand, but also realizing they may not see everything completely free of their wishes for me, not just my own. if that makes sense.
I was called today about a meeting next Tuesday to discuss contracts (salaries) for the job in afghan because the govt money came through, but what sucks is they want us like 2 weeks ago.
I'm not comfortable taking the job if I have to just up and go, ( uinless the salary is way up there and worth then MAYBE) so my deciding factor is that I must have 2 weeks notice to give both my jobs day and night. If that can't be managed I'm going to feel more like jsut keeping up with what I'm doing here in OKC, I couldn't ask for a better public school job ( it's ridiculous how much I love and feel it is eay what I do with the kids there) and my night job which I sit and desk all night getting paid very well. My only caveat (<--big word liek whittlen's blog , ha) is that I currently do work two jobs and have little down time social time during the week etc...

busy weekend, I'm off all day, staying off the computer (if you know what I mean) yard work, lunch soon, pick up a new suit I had made for fall break in Austin, and getting stuff doen around the place, tomorrow morning volunteer, wearing suit to wedding tomorrow afternoon ( you know who) and then my divorced ex-gf (the one from college who was married to another college bud, and I visited in Phoenix last nov - same married couple I came out to while sharing a pickup cab ride to Little rock once after college, a post for another day) comes tomorrow nt from AR for the weekend. We are driving to Dallas together Sunday to shop at Ikea for her new place, and Costplus and whatever else...

3 comments:

J.R. said...

I love a busy weekend.

If or when you decide to tell your folks, be careful it's not just because you want to prove a point. But you already knew that.

Nothing Golden Stays

Mike said...

Dang hindsight... I hate going back and thinking that I could have said or done this. That could be a springboard for future conversations about how you just want them to be happy for you and stuff like that.

I've been thinking more and more about coming out... don't worry... I don't plan to in the near future for reasons I've posted about. I love my parents and try to make them happy and stuff like that. I respect their advice and so on, But really I want to live my life for myself, get out, do what I want, and that isn't going to always be what they want me to do. That includes saying I like guys.

Have a great BUSY weekend!!!!

W said...

Hey! Your weekend was hopefully was more fun than you anticipated it to be! Hope you have a very nice week ahead.

Change, thinking outta the box are all very hard concepts, especially with age and time. But, I'm sure that whatever you do you're parents will come around eventually, if not immediately. That's what I keep telling myself about my parents.

I use almost only one big word per entry; the ratio is down from like a gazillion per entry! I am stupid and stuffy. That's my defence :)