I've been considering giving up men lately. I know that sounds weird, but it was just something I was thinking this weekend. Not that its even possible, but I guess I was just thinking how I'm not even interested in going out and looking anymore, like bars and stuff. On the other hand maybe I'm just being lazy, and since I've only been swimming and running this summer and not lifting weights, well I may no feel as sexy as usual. if that makes sense.
I continue to be completely bored as far as where I am in life right now relationship-wise. My life overall is great, health, job, family, friends (could use more locally). And I am still completely determined to rely on Faith in God for everything in my life, and I am pretty sure that if I never marry a woman and have children, then I'll remain celibate the rest of my life.
I get pretty freaked out about the idea of my parents eventually dying, and not having any children to "belong to" once my parents are gone. And of course, I consider since I'm single anyway, wouldn't it be better to go before them, well better for me. ha.
Usually I am working out all summer in prep for an Austin labor day weekend trip this time of year... but this year I've made no plans and so I think I'll buy a ticket for fall break, that will sort of get me motivated to pump it up again at the gym.
I've been doing tons of yard work lately, and the weird thing is how I love getting outdoors and working around the yard, but at the same time I want to go to the "teaching overseas" job fair this February and maybe travel next year. That seems liek a rough decision now that I have my house just like I want it.
I was outside yesterday painting the fence and I had a record player on the back porch playing Meatloaf "bat out of hell" and another Mamas and Papas album. And I was thinking all about my mom and dad, and how weird it would be to write them a letter and tell them how much I love them and how I enjoy having lunch after church on Sundays. And then I was thinking how I'd like to tell them to please take care of each other and look out for each other because my mom was talking about how my dad almost dehydrated last week while they were on vacation cause he forgot to drink water all day etc.. And then a part of me wanted to tell them all about how I really wish I could find someone and marry and start a family with but how it sucked that I got turned on by guys and what with not getting much attention from my dad or brother growing up, how I go crazy when the right guy does give me a lot of attention. blha blah.. well that last thought was too close to a coming out leter, so I dropped the idea. ha
4 comments:
I think that is a common concern a lot of people have, gay or straight (about kids and parents). I fear that telling my parents will result in them freaking out that they won't get grand kids.
I have wondered what life would be like if my parents were no longer around, and I had no kids. But I do try not to think about it much.
Man...I so know exactly what you mean and have had alot of the same feelings and thoughts over the last few months.
I think of some of the choices that I have made over the last few years and wonder if they were the right ones for me. You can't dwell on the past and hopefully learn and grown to make the right choices both personally and professionally.
When I would hear people say that they want to move and start over, I used to never understand that but now I know exactly what they are talking about. Its not like your running away but that in a way starting over is easier in a new place w/out having your friends and family judge you. Judge is really to harsh a word but you know...alrighty, this is too much. Hang in there man and hope you have a good group of kids this yr.
No advice, but I hear what you're saying man. I can't even imagine the world without my folks in it... and coming out to them, well I wonder if that would create that sort of world for me... even if they're still alive, would they still be part of my world? They won't disown me, I'm pretty sure... but that's about all I'm sure of.
But don't they want most of all for us to be happy??
Just flew in from Texas — I'm exhausted, so excuse the nonsense!
Nothing Golden Stays
Ever thought of being a foster parent?
You would have to wait until you had room for one, but think that might be a good plan.
Many foster children are eligible for adoption -- if you wanted a more permanent connection.
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