Monday, April 30, 2007

is staying single just plain selfish ?

lately I've been considering how the single life sucks and how selfish it is to remain single. I mean the independance I guess and how the only one I answer to at home is just ME.
Of course there are probably guys chained down to a wife or boyfriend who might want just that, and the grass is always greener. But at least those guys have experienced learning how to GIVE once in a while. Isn't that what relationships all about, getting along by giving in to the other person now and then or at least meeting in the middle. Sometimes my way sometimes your way etc etc.. Is staying single selfish in that one is not willing to share stuff with another, home, finances, schedules and where-you-are-going-to-be, decisions, the remote, shopping for food, laundry, not having money for something because it went to budget for something else...etc Or is a guy more likely to hate giving up all the random sex once they get in a real relationship. ( yes, I suppose there are gay relationships that exist that are not "open" or have one secretly slutting around, I'd like to hope so anyhow )
Is it selfish to be too picky and always find some fault as to why you don't "connect" with a person. and maybe never actually looking to date longterm..
well I don't know about all that, but I think we human are a social people and work better in pairs, groups, teams, etc.. I guess that's why single guys at least need some sort of "pack" to run with or be a part of, maybe, I dunno.
(of course this is coming from someone who's out of college and been single a while and whose pack of college buddies are all no longer single...different point of view prolly for any college boys reading this college i loved being single between gf's. ha)
all this to say I'm sick of being single, and I know I'd make a great other half, a great team player, I think I could give in now and then. I know it'd be really really hard to give up all the freedom I have now single, but I just know the benefits have to completely outweigh any of being single....just thoughts I had this weekend. I was installing some IKEA lights under the kitchen cabinets, ( which look awesome btw) and I was laying on my back shirtless on the counter with the screwdriver thinking, man I really wish there was someone here to be impressed by this, or at least come in and admire the new lights after installing them. maybe touch my stomach and say nice job handyman. something like that, and I think a woman would be more likely to appreciate it, maybe not but I picture another guy being too competitive to say anything nice, even if we were "boyfriends" , whatever that may be like..................hmmmmmm


Mike said...

I don't think staying single is just plain selfish. I consider myself very independent, but I feel a sense of accomplishment by being independent. Maybe it's because I've never been in a serious relationship, so I am very independent minded, but more than that, I guess for me it's a bragging thing... independence to me means, look what I've done and whatnot... it sounds selfish. Heh. I like to be able to say what I've done and be happy for the work and effort I put in, then be able to enjoy it.

Is it selfish to be too picky and always find some fault as to why you don't "connect" with a person. and maybe never actually looking to date longterm.
--- As for that I have to say that I think it's fine... honestly... I think everyone does it... we're only human. The Guy and I connect, but I mean I see his faults and I think that is a reason I'm keeping myself from falling for him. I do think though that it is possibly a reason to keep from dating and whatnot, but for me also, avoid coming out to family. I can go through the list and name the things that bug me about the guy... his compulsve spending... his lack of structure in his life. He's a great guy, don't get me wrong, but as you know I'm not ready to come out and whatnot due to family etc., but I think for me seeing these faults in him is preventing me from falling for him because I don't want to end up like him. But I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to find faults in people, because then it allows you to evaluate the kind of person you are and the kind of person they are and whether or not you see chemistry, whether they're worth your time, etc. Great post... really got me thinking about stuff and my relationships with people, but also The Guy.

Some Guy @ SW OKC said...

I'd love to compliment you on your lights... :)

JUSTIN said...

I agree with Mike.

In my experience with "my guy" of sorts I tend to highlight the postives when we're together and focus on his faults when we're apart. Both lead me to evaluate myself on a different level than I ever have before.

Bottom line, don't pass up a chance at what could a great relationship if the oppurtuntiy presents itself.

Oh, and btw the sight of a guy installing lights without a shirt on is damn sexy...