more thinking about my Christianity and my sexual orientaion

Christian upbringing teaches that you wait until marriage, and then have sex with only your wife. (although there was polygomy in the old testemant..) anyway, I think the hard part of accepting a gay lifestyle for most Christians is that it represents sexual freedom in general, not just the fact that you are with a man instead of a woman.
Of course there would still be opposition to a man deciding to be completely monogamous with a man for the rest of his life and getting married (like traditional heterosexual marriages aim to do) obviously. But I dont think that option even really can be seen, because exremely seldomly real. let's face it, a guy comes out of the closet, decides to accept his homosexuality an then to act out on it if not having done so already. And so possibly begins the long string of partners throughout his gay life. Of course heterosexual men have many partners also and yes a lot of them are "Christians" or from those type of churchy families. BUt the goal in sight (ideally) for the heterosexual is to finally commit to one and settle down with just that one never forsaking for another...etc. And Christian society accepts that what with forgiveness and all that.

However, for a man raised in a Christian home, coming out is a big step in deciding to acknowldge the homosexual feelings are real and not going away, perhaps informing all the people they wish to share it with, beginning to search to have sex or continue having sex with other men, and also quite a big step in confronting their Christian faith.
I feel uneasy sometimes that at this point men choose to walk away from that faith soemtimes as abruptly as they have left behind their closet life in general. I guess the bridge is so hard to find, what with most every Christian they know so quick to condemn first (instead of loving first as commanded). I am so confused at how a family could ever choose the faith over the child,I mean that's a family bond gee whiz, no wonder a guy coming out would turn their back on both their family and faith.
I don't know how I'll end up living the rest of my life in or out of the closet, hopelessly non committal to any relationship etc. But I definitely plan at this point to keep hold of my faith even if I did come out, I would probably go Episcopalian or greek orthodox I don't know.

I think its strange also the guys who tell me, how could you ever marry a woman and for the rest of your life live a lie. I don't get that. there are a lot of heterosexual marriages in this country that remain comletely monogamous throughout duration. Sure they all have their up and downs, but it ain't all about sex anyway. I am not exactly sure why getting married and denying myself sex with other people (whether man or woman) is any different from other Christian men who marry and deny themselves touching another woman ( or man for that matter). They are not living a lie. Is it all about the sex anyway, the marriage I mean?
Are gay guys relationships about sex only? How many do you know that are monogamous for a very long time but eventually they being to sleep with other couples, or then it becomes "open" whatever that means. I will say I know some guys that bond so much as a couple they can never break up even though they are no longer having sex with each other. The friendship is so real and they are so comfortable living their lives together etc.. they just never break up, sound familiar?

so anyway these are just some thoughts I had this week while driving to work, listening to NPR radio. I'm from the bible belt and it's all I know, and people and places are so different in this country. this guy on the radio was saying how he was brought up in NYC and most people there consider the religious type people as just whacko and completley wasting their time. can't be completely true because I have some great buds from my Christian college who were all from NYC.

ya know, I was always so impressed growing up when you'd watch those documentaries where a pair of birds would mate for life. I still think that is really cool.