lately I've sort of felt like single=lonely.
Now, of course this is not true, but you know how a person can get in a slump sometimes. For example fall is here and the weather turns cold, and its a time where you feel like getting out and doing stuff, or staying in and hanging around, cuddling up at night with someone etc etc. you get the picture.
Well I decided that being closeted is probably most of the reason I get lonely sometimes. Obviously I'd be meeting more guys and having more social stuff going on if I were OUT , and part of the "scene" whatever that means. but then I'd probably still feel like I didnt' belong, or maybe not find any gay guys I felt like hanging with, I mean I have been out to bars and available for invites but the community is just sort of small here in OKC, and can be boring or just plain socially political. I would definitely have to move to a bigger city! I read the single guy's blog a lot, and he lives in Sydney and always has a LOT to say and seems to do a LOT of things and have all kinds of fun.... great guy, you've prolly already seen his blog linked other places, but if not check it out. I consider living in Austin or Chicago sometimes when I think briefly about it.
It's weird when I remember throwing all kinds of parties and hanging out with my group of friends in college all the time, weekends, week nights, going places together just to be together, staying up late for no reason...etc, i miss the nonsexual motivation, just a group of people enjoying life and each other, where is that now.
I think if I ever had an actual bf, I'd be a great as one of a pair, and would be setting up all sorts of double dates or trips or outings etc.. anything social. I dont' know. I' ve never had one, how do 2 guys dating overcome the urge to be mentally or physically competitive with other guys? I think the strongest bonds I've had with guys is an extremely common interest in something, shared interest and experiences, or maybe the all important COMMON sense of humor....
here's the real video for soccer practice, also hot.
lately I think about the closest I'd come to "coming out" would be having a baby with my lesbian friend from Highschool. shes' had a serious gf for more than 2 years now, and I'm seriously considering offering a donation if they ever wanted children. I want them so bad. The reason I say that is "close to coming out" is because obviously people would get the picture once I'm carrying around my baby with two moms. Otherwise I think I could maybe come out if I moved to a new city. I know that doesn't really count as coming out,but isn't that the way some guys do it just for starts. ALthough it must be a sad and lonely way, to take yourself away from the poeple who love you and who you love the most. I love living near my family and seeing them all in church every Sunday. But I'm sure there remains a part of the gay community who may not be completely out to family at home, maybe not, maybe I'm living too much in the past.